50 Harvard Essays - Business English | Trường Đại học Hùng Vương
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Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! I m port a nt not e :
All t he se e ssa y s a r e st r ict ly for r e fe r e nce on ly . An y for m of copy in g or im it a t ion is
con side re d pla gia r ism a n d he n ce se ve r e ly pu n ishe d b y a dm ission off icer s.
Re m e m be r t h a t t h e se 5 0 e ssay s ar e v e ry popu la r a n d ha v e be e n a r ou nd for a ve r y
lon g t im e ( pr oba bly e ve n be for e y ou w e r e bor n!) . Th e r ef or e , t he a dm ission of fice r s
a re VERY fa m ilia r w it h t he m . Aga in , do N OT cop y or im it a t e a ny t hin g f r om t h e se
e ssa y s if you w a nt t o succee d. 哈佛 哈
佛 5 0 篇e ssa y- - 1 。塑造自我 A For m at ion of Self
Befor e ev en t ouching t he cam era, I m ade a list of som e of t he phot ographs I w ould
t ake: w eb cov ered w it h w at er, gr im ace r eflect ed in t h e calculat or scr een, hand
holdin g a t iny r ound m irr or w her e j ust m y ey e is v isible, cat ’s st r iped u nderbelly as
he j u m ps t owar d t h e lens, m anh ole covers, hand holding a t ranslucent sect ion of
orange, pink ies par t ak in g of a pink ie swear, m idsect ion w it h j eans, h air h eld ou t
sideway s at ar m ’s lengt h, bot t om of foot , soap on f ace. This, I t hink is ak in t o a
for m at ion of self. Perh aps I hav e had t he r ev elat ions ev en if t he ph ot os ar e nev er t aken.
I alr eady kn ow t h e dual st rain s t he biogr aph ers w ill t alk abou t , st rain s t w ist ing
t h rough a life. The com bin at ion is em bodied h ere: I w r it e j oy fully, in t he m argin of
m y lab book , beside a diagr am of a beaker, “ I solat ed it t oday, Beaut iful w ispy
st rands, spider w ebs suspended below t he sur face, delicat e t endr ils, cloudy w hit e,
ly rical, eleg ant DNA! This is DNA! So beaut ifu l!”
I should h ave been a Renaissan ce m an . I t k ills m e t o choose a field ( t o choose
bet w een t he sciences an d t he hum anit ies! ) . My m ind r oam s, I w ide- ey ed, int o
inf init e cavern s and loops. I sh ould fly ! Let m e dev our t h e air, dissolv e ever y t h ing
int o m y bloodst r eam , lear n!
The elem ent s are boun dless, bu t , if asked t o isolat e t hem , I can see t angles ar ound
m edicine and w r it ing. The t r ick w ill be t o int egrat e t hem in t o a w h ole, and t h en
m aybe I can t ake t he phot ograph. Aahh , is it alr eady t here, n o? Can’t y ou see it ? I
inv oke t h e Daedalu s in m e, ever y t hin g t hat has gon e in t o m ak ing m e, hopin g it w ill be m y liberat ion.
Music is one su ch elem ent . The ex per ience of plying in an or chest ra fr om t he inside
is an invest igat ion int o subj ect iv it y. I t is r em iniscent of Heisen ber g’s uncert aint y
pr in ciple: t h e m ore on e k now s t he speed of a par t icle, t he less on e k now s it s
posit ion . Nam ely t he posit ion of t he obser v er m at t er s and affect s t he su bst ance of
t he observat ion ; even science is em bracing em bodim ent . I see splashes of br ight
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
rain in v iolin ar peggios fading away in singed circles, a clar inet solo f ades blu e t o
black, and a flu t e har m ony leaves u s m oving sidew ays, a pr egnant silence, t h e
t r um pet s int er r upt w it h t he sm ell of light nin g. Per haps in t he au dien ce y ou w ou ld sense som et h ing else.
I t hink of r ow ing as m edit at ion. Pshoow, huh, aaah ; pshoow, h uh , aaah. I can close
m y ey es an d st ill h ear it . We glide ov er r eflect ed sk y… and lean. And defy t he r equ est
for “ leader ship posit ions,” laugh at it , because it m isses t he ent ir e point , t h at w e ar e
int egral, one or ganism . I hear t he oar s cut t he w at er, shunk shu nk; t h ere ar e n o leader s.
Once I hear d an echo f rom all quar t er s. “ Do not r ush,” said t he conduct or, “ follow t he
bat on.” “ Do n ot r ush,” said t he coach, “ w at ch t he body in fr ont of y ou.” Do not r ush.
I w r it e about charact ers’ w or ds: how t hey use w or ds, h ow t hey m anipulat e t hem ,
how t hey cr eat e t heir ow n r ealit ies; w or ds used dan ger ously, f lippant ly, t alk ing at
cr oss pur poses, deliberat ely being v ague; t he nat u re of t alk ing, of wor ds and
realit ies. Perh aps m in e has been a flight of f ancy t oo. But , com e on, it ’s in t he w or ds,
a person, a locu s, som ew her e in t he w or ds. I t ’s all w or ds. I lov e t he w or ds.
I should be a w r it er, bu t I w ill be a doct or, and out of t he philosoph ical t ension I w ill cr eat e a self. ANALYSI S
This essay is a good ex am ple of an essay t hat show s rat h er t han t ells t he r eader w ho
t h e au t hor is. Through excit ed language an d illu st rat iv e anecdot es, she off ers a
com plex pict ur e of her m u lt ifacet ed n at u re.
The w r it ing is as fluid as it s subj ect m at t er. On e par agr aph r un s in t o t he n ext w it h
lit t le br eak f or t ransit ion or ex plicit connect ion. I t has t h e feel of an ecst at ic
st r eam - of- consciousness, m ov ing rapidly t ow ard a clim act ic en d.
The aut hor is as im m ediat e as she is m y st erious. Sh e creat es an d int im at e
relat ion ship w it h her r eader, w hile cont in uously keeping him / her “ in t h e dar k” as she
j u m ps fr om one m ent al t w ist t o anot h er.
She openly exposes her char ged t hough t s, y et leaves t he t ies bet w een t h em
uncem ent ed. This cr eat es an u npr edict abilit y t hat is r isky bu t effect iv e.
St ill, one ou gh t t o be w ary in pr esent ing as essay of t his sor t . The pot ent ial f or
obliqu eness is high, and, even her e, t he r eader is at t im es lef t in confusion
regar ding t he coher ence of t he w hole. Gran t ed t h e essay is about conflu ence of
seem ing opposit es, but poet ic license should n ot obscur e im por t an t cont ent . This
par t icular essay could h ave been m ade st ronger wit h a m ore ex plicit recur r ing
t hem e t o help k eep t he r eader f ocu sed.
I n gener al, t hou gh, t his essay st ands out as a bold, im passioned pr esent at ion of self.
I t lin ger s in t he m em or y as an ent angled w eb of an int r icat e m ind.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! “Grow in g U p” “ Gr ow ing Up”
I ’m shor t . I ’m f iv e foot five – w ell, f iv e foot six if I w ant t o im pr ess som eone. I f t he
average h eigh t of Am erican m en is f ive f oot t en, t hat m eans I ’m n early h alf a foot
sh ort er t han t he average Joe ou t t h ere. And t hen t her e ar e t h e basket ball p layer s.
My heigh t h as alway s been som et h ing t h at ’s set m e apar t ; it ’s h elp ed define m e. I t ’s
j u st t hat as lon g as I can rem em ber, I h av en’t liked t he definit ion v ery m uch . Ev ery
Su nday in grade school m y dad and I w ou ld w at ch ESPN Pr im et im e Foot ball. Playing
w it h fr iends at hom e, I alw ays im agined t he boom ing ESPN v oice of Chr is Ber m an
giv ing t h e play- by - play of ou r st r eet foot ball gam es. But no m at t er how w ell I
per for m ed at hom e w it h fr iends, dur ing school r ecess t he st igm a of “ sh ort kid” st uck
w it h m e w hile choosin g t eam s.
St ill concer ned as senior y ear r olled alon g, I v isit ed a gr ow t h specialist . Pacing t h e
exam r oom in a shak y, ellipt ical or bit w or ried, “ What if I ’ve st opped gr ow ing? Will
m y social st at us for ever be m ark ed by m y short ness?” I n a grade school dr eam , I
im agined Chr is “ ESPN” Berm an ’s v oice as h e an alyzed t he fant ast ic cat ch I h ad
m ade for a t ouchdow n w hen – w it h a st ar t – t he doct or st rode in. dam p w it h n ervous
sw eat , I sat qu iet ly w it h m y m om as he show ed us t he X- ray t aken of m y hand. Th e
bones in m y sev ent een- y ear- old body h ad m at ur ed. I w ould not gr ow any m or e.
Whoa. I clenched t he st eering w h eel in fru st rat ion as I dr ove h om e. What good w er e
m y grades and “ college t ran script ” achievem ent s w hen ev en m y fr iends pok ed fu n
of t he shor t k id? What good w as it t o pray, or t o genuinely liv e a life of love? No
m at t er how m any Taekw ondo m edals I h ad w on, could I ev er be consider ed t ru ly
at h let ic in a w ir y, f ive f oot fiv e f ram e? I could be dar k and h andsom e, bu t could I
ever be t h e “ t all” in “ t all, dar k and han dsom e” ? All I wan t ed was som eone special t o
look u p int o m y eyes; all I w ant ed w as som eone t o ask, “ Could y ou r each t h at for m e?”
I t ’s been h ard t o deal w it h . I h av en’t answer ed all t h ose quest ions, but I h av e
lear ned t hat h eigh t isn’t all it ’s m ade out t o be. I ‘d r at her be a shor t er,
com passionat e person t h an a t all t y rant . I can be a giant in so m any ot her w ays:
int ellect ually, spir it u ally an d em ot ionally.
I ’v e ir onically gr ow n t aller fr om bein g shor t . I t ’s enr iched m y life. Being shor t h as
cer t ain ly had it s advant ages. Dur ing elem ent ar y school in eart hquake- pr one
Califor nia f or exam ple, m y t eachers const ant ly praised m y “ duck an d cover ” sk ills.
The school budget w as t ight and t h e desks w er e so sm all an occasion al lim b could
alway s be seen st ick ing out . Yet Chris Shim , “ blessed” in h eigh t , alw ay s m anaged t o
squeeze h im self in t o a com pact and safe fet al posit ion. The sam e qualit y h as paid off
in h ide- and- go- seek . ( I ’m t h e un official cham pion on m y block. )
Lincoln once debat ed w it h Senat or St eph en A. Douglas – a m agnificent orat or,
nat ionally r ecognized as t he leader of t he Dem ocr at ic Par t y of 1 858… and bar ely fiv e
feet four in ches t all. I t seem s silly, but st anding on t h e floor of t he Senat e last y ear
I r em em ber ed Senat or Douglas an d im agin ed t hat I w ould on e day debat e w it h a
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
fut u re pr esident . ( I t helped t o h av e a t all, lank y, bear ded m an w it h a st ove- t op h at
talk with m e that aft ernoon.) But I could j ust as easily becom e an astronaut, if not
for m y childlik e, gapin g- m out h- eyes- st rain ing w on der m en t of t he st ar s, t h en
m aybe in t h e hope of gr ow ing a few inches ( t h e spine spont an eously ex pands in t he absence of gravit y ) .
Ev en at five feet , six in ches, t h e act or Dust in Hoffm an h eld his ow n against Tom e
Cruise in t he m ov ie Rainm an and w ent on t o win his second Academ y Aw ard f or Best
Act or. Michael J. Fox ( 5’5 ” ) const ant ly uses t aller act or s t o his com edic adv ant age.
Heigh t has enh anced t h e at hlet icism of “ Muggsy” Bogues, t h e shor t est player in t he
hist or y of t he NBA at f iv e foot t hr ee. He’s u sed t hat edge t o lead h is bask et ball t eam
in st eals ( t h ey don ’t call him “ Muggsy ” for not hing) . Th eir height has put no lim it s t o
t h eir wor k in t h e ar t s or at h let ics. Neit her w ill m ine.
I ’m f ive f oot f iv e. I ’v e st ru ggled w it h it at t im es, but I ’ve r ealized t hat being f iv e- five
can ’t st op m e fr om j oining t he Senat e. I t w on’t st em m y dr eam of becom ing an
ast r onaut ( I ev en have t he applicat ion fr om NASA) . My h eight can ’t pr ev ent m e
fr om dir ect ing a m ovie and excelling in Taek wondo ( or even basket ball) . At fiv e foot
fiv e I can lau gh , j um p, r un , dan ce, w r it e, paint , help, v olun t eer, pr ay, lov e an d cry.
I can br eak 1 00 in bow lin g. I can sing along t o Nat King Cole. I can recit e Au dr ey
Hepbur n’s lines fr om Br eakfast at Tiffany ’s. I can r un t he m ile in u nder six m inut es,
dan ce like a w ild m onk ey and be h opelessly w rapped up in a good book ( t hou gh I
have y et t o m ast er t he abilit y t o do it all at on ce) . I ’v e lear ned t hat m y h eight , ev en
as a definin g charact er ist ic, is only a par t of t he w hole. I t w on’t lim it m e. Besides,
t h is way I ’ll n ever out gr ow m y f avor it e sw eat er. ANALYSI S
“ Gr ow ing Up” follow s t he for m of discussing a phy sical or char act er t rait , and
explor ing it s im pact on one’s lif e. Shim ’s st rat egy is for t he r eader t o under st and his
fr ust rat ions w it h his h eight , a phy sical ch aract er ist ic t hat has played a gr eat r ole in
t he w ay he sees him self am on g h is f am ily, fr iends, an d peer s.
This piece w or k s because it is t o t he point , h onest , an d st raight - for w ard. The
openin g, “ I ’m shor t ,” deliv ers a clear m essage t o t h e r eader of t he essay’s m ain idea.
As t he essay pr ogr esses, Shim r eveals his per son al feelin gs an d aspir at ion s. He
giv es us a w indow int o t he ver y m om ent of discov ery t hat he w ould n o longer be
able t o gr ow. We ar e t aken on a t our of w hat m akes Shim t ick. Being sh ort has
sh aped and in fluenced his out look on t he w or ld, y et it has n ot dim inished his goals.
I t is per son al, yet r em ains posit iv e. He r ecognizes bot h t he benefit s and negat ives of
his shor t st at ur e and is able t o conv ey t hem in a t hou ght ful m an ner. Fur t her m or e,
t h e essay not on ly let s u s int o Shim ’s t h ough t s on bein g sm all but t ells us h is v aried
int er est s in polit ics, space ex plorat ion , spor t s, an d t he ar t s. Sh im h asn ’t j ust t old us
how his height “ doesn ’t lim it him ” h e has show n us w hy.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! “Pie ces of M e ” “ Pieces of Me” - - - - Sandra E. Pullm an
The black an d w h it e com posit ion book is faded, an d t he corner s are bent . I t doesn’t
lie flat as m any paper clips m ar k favor it e places. Alm ost ever y sh eet is cover ed w it h
w rit ing – som e in bold han dw r it ing h ardly r ev ised, ot her s u ncer t ainly j ot t ed dow n
com plet ely m ar ked up an d rew r it t en. Flipping t hr ou gh t he t hin pages, I sm ile,
rem em ber ing fr om careless t hought s t o assassinat e pr ose t o pr ecisely w or ded
poem s, t h is j our n al m ar k s a y ear of m y lif e as a w rit er.
I n j un ior y ear, m y English t eacher asked us t o keep a j our n al for creat iv e w r it in g, as
a r elease fr om ot her w ise st ressfu l days. We w er e f ree t o w rit e on any t opic w e chose.
From t hen on as oft en as I could, I w ould st eal away t o t he old w ooden r ockin g chair
in t he corner of m y r oom and t ak e t im e off t o w r it e.
As I now t r y t o answer t he qu est ion of w ho am I for t his essay, I im m ediat ely t hin k of m y j our nal. I am a w r it er.
My w r it ing is t h e m ost int ensely per sonal par t of m e. I pou r m y hear t out int o m y
j ou r nal an d am incredibly pr ot ect iv e of it . I t ’s diff icu lt for m e t o han dle crit icism or ch ange r ej ect ion:
I can t ell h e w ouldn ’t r ead it r ight w ouldn ’t let t he m ean ing sink int o h im slow and
delicious it w ould soun d aw ful t h rough h is car eless eyes I w ant him t o open h im self
up t o it and let in a piece of m e I wan t him t o k now t h is side of m e no one ev er h as
I w ant him t o be t h e one t o under st and let m e see h e pr ods once m ore I t ell m y self
t h is t im e I ’ll do it I let m y self go bu t as it passes in t o his r ough h ands I see it for t he
fir st t im e it ’s aw k war d and w r ong j ust lik e m e I sn at ch it back fr om h im and cru m ble
it it f alls w it h har dly a noise int o t he t rash I am a child.
Grow ing up, I w ou ld alw ays r ide m y bike ov er t o t he elem ent ar y sch ool across t he
st r eet and int o t he w oods behind it . Crab apple t r ees scent ed t he f all air and t he
w inding dir t pat hs w ent on for ever. I ’d dr op m y bike at t he base of a t ree and clim b
as high as I could. All aft ernoon I w ould sit in t hese t r ees w hose bran ches cur v ed out
a seat seem ingly m ade j ust f or m e.
One day I bik ed across t he st reet t o com e face t o face w it h const r uct ion t r ucks.
Those w oods are n ow a par k ing lot . I cry ev ery t im e I see car s par ked w her e m y crab apple t r ees on ce st ood:
He allow ed t he sweet sadn ess t o linger
As h e cont em plat ed a w or ld
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
That h e k new t oo m u ch about .
I am a dau ght er, a cousin, a gr eat- niece.
My fam ily is v ery im por t ant t o m e. My m ot her has a h uge ex t ended fam ily an d w e all
get t oget her once a year for a r eunion. I play w it h m y lit t le cousins and t oss t hem in
t h e air t o t heir squealing deligh t . Many of m y r elat iv es ar e elderly, how ev er, an d I
fin d it h ar d t o deal w it h ser ious illness in t hese people I lov e. I am also deat h ly af raid
of gr ow in g old and losing all sense of m y self. When v isit ing r elat iv es, I hav e t o com e
t o t er m s w it h t h ese feelings:
Wit h t h e t oe of m y sneaker, I push at t he ancient pale y ellow carpet . Lik e all t he
it em s in t h e apar t m ent , it is w ay past it s pr im e. I t is m at t ed dow n in m ost places,
pr essed int o t he f loor fr om y ears of people’s shoes t raver sing back and for t h . I t w ill
nev er be as nice as it once w as, t h at m uch is cert ain. At h om e it w ou ld be pulled up,
t hr ow n out , n ot t olerat ed in an ev er- m ov ing y ou ng fam ily, n ot f it t in g in w it h all t he
usef ul, m odern su rr oun dings. But her e, in t h is for eign, m ust y apar t m ent w her e m y
gr eat - au nt an d u ncle h ave liv ed so long t hat t hey seem t o blend r ight in t o t he faded
wallpaper, t h e carpet is a par t of t h e scener y. I t could n ot be r em oved any m ore t h an t h e f loor it self. I am a f riend.
I w ill alw ay s t r easur e m em or ies of sleep- aw ay cam p and t he fr ien ds I fell in lov e
w it h t here. Many of t hese people I have m anaged t o keep in t ou ch w it h , but I r egr et t hat som e I have lost :
Bu t now… t he w eat h er is changing. A cold fr ont has m ov ed in. t he pict ur e is bar ely
not iced. Per haps ot her pict ur es of ot her m em or ies br igh t er and new er h ide it fr om
view. A cool br eeze st eals in t hr ough t he open w indow, and t he careless w ind k nocks
dow n an old pict ur e fr om t he bullet in board. The pict ur e falls in slow m ot ion , t ak in g
w it h it a far - of f m em or y. I t com es t o rest beh ind t he desk, ly ing on t he floor, nev er
t o be seen again . I t s absence is not ev en not iced.
I am an incurable r om an t ic.
Leavin g a par t y one night , I f or got t o r et ur n t he sweat shir t I had bor r owed: Touching t he sm all hole I n t he bot t om cor ner And t he st ray t hr ead Unr avelin g t he sleeve I lift it up And br eat h e in it s sm ell I sm ile quiet ly I t sm ells lik e h im I am a dr eam er.
I of t en sit in class and let m y im agin at ion t ak e m e w h erever I wan t t o go. I lov e t o
read st or ies of m y t h ic Cam elot or t h e legendar y Old Sou t h, losing m y self in m y
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! favor it e book s: The t h ree dim ensional Kaleidoscope f ant asy Of far - of f lan ds And cour t ly k ingdom s Of passion an d r om ance And h igh seas adv ent u re
I s shining w it h v iv id color s
And singing w it h n on- st op noise
My j our nal fr om elev ent h gr ade not on ly ch ronicles a y ear of m y lif e, bu t it t ells t he
st or y of w ho I am . I t is t he closest I can get t o even beginn ing t o answer t hat difficult qu est ion:
Tell t hem she says j u st t ell t hem w ho you ar e let t hem k now w hat m ak es y ou t ick
t ick t ick t he clock is cou nt ing dow n I can’t wait t o get out of her e j ust a far m ore
m in ut es sm ile an d pr et en d y ou car e t ell t hem w h o I am in 3 58 w or ds dou ble- spaced
12 point font as if I even k now as if I could even if I did on a single sheet of paper
w hy I cry w hy I lau gh w hy I w ant so badly t o go t o t heir lov ely school
I guess I do k now one t hin g abou t w ho I am . I am a w r it er. ANALYSI S
“ Pieces of Me” is an adm issions essay w it h at t it ude – a per sonal st at em ent t hat t ak es a r isk.
Like m any college applicant s, Pullm an is int erest ed in w r it ing. Her essay st an ds
apar t for m t he pack because she doesn’t sim ply t ell t h e ad m issions officer she likes
t o w r it e. I n st ead, w hen used excerpt s f rom h er j our nal t o show t he adm ission s
officer h ow m u ch sh e loves t o w r it e, h ow m uch she depends on h er w r it ing t o help
her ex plain and u nder st and life.
Bu t Pullm an ’s decision t o in clude creat iv e w r it ing – i. e. cum m ings st y le – in her
per sonal st at em ent is not a decision for t he m eek of hear t or t he sem i- t alent ed.
Ev ery high sch ool senior has h eard st or ies of college applicant s w ho, in t he quest t o
st and out am ong t he hun dr eds of ot h er essays an adm issions officer m ust sort
t hr ough, subm it t ed an original scr eenplay, m usical com posit ion , or v ideot ape of an
int erpr et iv e dance as t h eir per sonal st at em en t . I n cases like Pullm an’s w her e r eal
t alent sh ow t hr ough, t hose r isks m ay pay off. For ot her s, a m or e conv ent ional piece
w it h a st rong, clear t hesis and w ell- w rit t en suppor t in g argum ent s m ay be t he bet t er road t o t ake.
Of cour se, no piece is per fect , including Pullm an ’s. As or igin al as m any of her j our nal
excer pt s m ay be, Pullm an pr efaces m any of t hem w it h som ew hat cliché t ransit ions
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
w hich w eaken t he underly ing pr em ise of t he piece – t hat Pullm an’s un iqu e w r it in g
help ar t iculat e her unique per son alit y. Her creat iv e w r it ing is excit in g an d
int erest in g; her m or e academ ic w r it in g is less so.
St ill, “ Pieces of Me” is a r isky endeavor t hat w or ks. Pullm an succeeds, w it h out t h e
use of a 3- D v isual aid or live per for m an ce, in m ak ing h er applicat ion st and out . “W h o Am I ?” “ Wh o Am I ?” - - by Mich ael Cho
I w ish I could w r it e abou t t he Mich ael Cho w ho st ar s in m y Walt er Mit t y - lik e f ant asies.
I f only m y per son al st at em ent could consist of m y nam e follow ed by such t er m s as
Oly m pic at hlet e, m ast er ch ef, boy geniu s, un iver sal best fr iend, and Prin ce
Char m ing t o ever y h opeful w om an. These claim s w ould be, at w or st , out r ight lies, or
at best , gr oss hy per bole. My dr eam s, h owev er, t ak e t heir place alongside m y
m em or ies, exper iences, and genes in t he palet t e t h at const it ut es w ho I am .
Who am I ? I am a pr oduct of m y r ealit y and m y im aginat ion . I am inn at ely deprav ed,
yet I am m ade per fect . I plan m y day w it h t he k now ledge t hat “ Ever yt hin g is
m eaningless” ( Ecclesiast es 1: 2) , but I m ust “ m ake t he m ost of ev ery oppor t un it y ”
( Colossians 4 : 5) . I search for sim ple answer s, bu t find on ly com plex qu est ions.
Once, on m y way t o a w r est ling t ou rn am ent , I was so engu lfed in t hou ght over
w het h er liv ing in an abode w hich r ot at ed near t he speed of light w ould r esu lt in m y
bein g y ounger ( u t ilizing t he Th eory of Relat iv it y ) and st r onger ( ut ilizing t he
pr oper t ies of adapt at ion along w it h t h e definit ion of cen t r ipet al an d grav it at ion al
for ce) t hat I f ailed t o r ealize t hat I had left m y w rest ling shoes in m y locker. My
m ot her say s t hat m y decision t o w rest le is indicat iv e of t he fact I don ’t t hink .
Thr ou gh w or k ing in a nur sing hom e, t he m ost im por t ant lesson I ’ve learn ed is t hat
I h ave m any lessons yet t o learn . Thu s t he m ost valuable k now ledge I possess
rem inds m e how lit t le k now ledge I h ave.
Oft en t im es people m ake t he m ist ak e of assum ing t hat m ut ually exclusive qu alit ies
bear no r elat ion ship t o one anot her. Not so! These dichot om ies cont inuou sly
redefin e each ot her. I n som e cases on e is t ot ally dependent on t h e ot her ’s ex ist ence.
What is fait h w it h out doubt ? Wit hout one, t he ot h er does n ot ex it . Wh en j ux t aposed,
opposit es creat e a dialect ic u t t er ly m ore pr ofound and beaut iful t h an it s par t s. Walt
Whit m an em braces t his syn cr et ism by st at ing, “ Do I cont radict m yself ? Ver y w ell
t hen I cont radict m yself, ( I am lar ge, I cont ain m ult it udes) .” My qu alit ies, t hou gh
cont r adict or y, defin e w ho I am .
Alt hough I can’t m ake fant ast ic claim s abou t m y self, I m ust st ill ackn ow ledge an d
ch erish t he dr eam s t hat I hav e. Adm it t edly, it is t ragic w hen one is so absorbed in
fant asy t hat he loses t ou ch w it h realit y. Bu t it is equally t ragic wh en on e is so
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absor bed in r ealit y t hat ho loses t he abilit y t o dr eam . Wh en a healt hy am ount of
realit y and fan t asy are syn t hesized, t he syner gy is such t h at som et h ing b eaut if ul
w ill u ndou bt edly r esult . ANALYSI S
This applicant addr esses t he prov erbial quest ion of “ Who Am I ?” I n doing so, he
expr esses, bot h im plicit ly an d ex plicit ly, h is hobbies, ex t r acu rr icular act iv it ies, an d
out look on life. The w r it er n ot only r eveals h is par t icipat ion in w r est ling, w or k at a
nur sing hom e, and kn ow ledge of Qu ant um Mchanics, but he also exposes t he r eader
t o m any aspect s of h is per sonalit y and inn er t hou ght s on life. His qu est ioning of t h e
m eanin g of lif e an d evaluat ion of h is ow n ident it y r ev eal an in quisit ive side t o his per sonalit y.
Ov erall, t h is essay is w ell w r it t en an d easy t o r ead. The in t r oduct ion is st r ong in t hat
t he applicant lev els w it h adm ission officer by adm it t in g h e does not consider him self
t o be a spect acular indiv idu al, giv ing t h e im pr ession t hat w hat f ollow s is w r it t en
hon est ly. Anot h er st or n g point of t he essay is t hat it r eveals m any of t he act iv it ies in
w hich t he w r it er is inv olv ed. This ser v es t o giv e t h e adm issions officer a m or e
per sonalized pict ur e of t he applicant . Th e biblical an d Walt Wh it m an quot at ions ar e
ver y w ell used an d dem on st rat e t he st r ong in t ellect of t h e w r it er.
While t h e essay does pr ov ide som e in sigh t int o t he philosoph ical t hought s of t he
applicant , in m any w ay s it is t oo t h eor et ical. The w r it er could im pr ov e t h e essay by
specifically list in g t he dr eam s or goals he cher ishes or per haps by w r it ing in m or e
det ail abou t on e of t he m any ex per iences he m ent ions in t h e st at em ent . The flow of
t he essay is also hindered in a num ber of way s. First , t he w or d choice seem s slight ly
unn at ur al – alm ost as if t he applicant relied on a t hesauru s w h en wr it in g t he essay ;
as a r esult , t he t on e seem s t o be a bit con t r iv ed. Second, w h ile t he ov erall t hem e of
self- ident ificat ion is m aint ain ed t hr ou gh out t he essay, t he in div idu al paragr aphs
j u m p fr om one t opic t o t he nex t in a disj oint ed f ashion. For ex am ple, it is int erest in g
t o k now t hat t he applicant w ork ed at a nur sing hom e, but m ent ioning such does not
seem t o fit w it h t he overall pr ogr ession of t he essay. I t is im por t ant t hat t h e per son al
st at em ent conv ey t o t h e adm ission s officer a sense of w ho y ou ar e and w hat y ou ar e
lik e in per son, bu t it is n ot n ecessar y t o cram ev ery ex t r acu rr icular act iv it y or
accom plishm ent in t o t h e essay ; t h ere ar e ot h er sect ions of t h e applicat ion f or list in g su ch t hin gs.
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An I n com ple t e St or y An I ncom plet e St or y
Dur ing t he Middle Ages, a r it ual exist ed w hich dict at ed h ow an indiv idual int r oduced
him self or h erself. This in t r oduct or y pr ocess was t hr eefold: f irst , it dem anded t hat
t he indiv idual’s r eligion be nam ed; nex t , t he indiv idual’s t ow n or com m unit y was
st at ed; and finally, t h e f am ily n am e w as said. Even t oday, t h is m et hod of
int r oduct ion can be effect iv e in conv ey ing t he charact er or iden t it y of an indiv idual.
I f I w er e t op int r odu ce m y self, I w ould sim ply st at e t hat I am a scholar ( lear nin g is
m y religion ) ; I am a cont r ibu t or t o t he gr eat er w ell- being of m y com m u nit y ; and m y
fam ily w ill be det er m in ed by m y f ut u re plan s and goals ( since f am ily in cludes, but is
not lim it ed, t o blood r elat ions) .
While m y gen der is ex t r em ely im por t an t t o m e, I f irst iden t if y m y self as a sch olar
because int ellect does n ot hav e a sex. Know ledge t ranscends gender. Th erefor e, I
am a t hink er, a lear ner, an d a scholar. To m e, t he pr ocess of lear nin g is r eligious.
Wor ds ar e m y “ bible,” t each ers ar e m y “ pr iest s.” I respect and r ever e w or ds lik e
ot h ers r espect , r ev ere, an d f ear t he idea of God. I u nder st and t hat w or ds ar e aliv e
and I m u st w r est le t h em dow n and t am e t h em in or der f or t hem t o becom e m y ow n.
Hen ce, I m ake it a h abit t o collect w or ds. Th en, lik e ban gles an d cry st als t hat
possess psychedelic and pr ism at ic qu alit ies, I hang t h e w ords in m y m ind for
illu m in at ion. The m eanin g of m y pr ecious w or ds ar e r evealed t o m e by t eachers = =
not j ust t hose wh o h ave a “ t eaching cert if icat e,” but t h ose wh o aw aken m y m ind,
w ho ignit e m y senses, w ho alt er m y percept ion of t he w or ld; t oget her, as Walt
Whit m an says, w e “ r oam in t hought over t h e un iv erse,” seek in g t o en light en our selves an d one anot her.
The college ex per ience, as I per ceiv e it , in addit ion t o it bein g t he n ext st op on m y
j ou r ney f or self- enligh t enm ent , is t o be t he crescendo of m y int ellect ual r evolut ion
cat aly zed by pr of essors w ho can aw aken m y m ind, ignit e m y sen ses, and alt er m y
per cept ion of t he w or ld. I hope t hat m y per cept ion of t h e w or ld w ill be slight ly
t u rn ed on it s head an d t hat I will be m ade t o defend m y belief s an d ex per ience t he
t r ue m eaning of int ellect ual discov ery. Th us, m y only r eal ex pect at ion f or college is
t o be challenged. I look upon t he nex t fou r y ears of m y life as an oppor t un it y ; I can
eit her seize t he chan ce and signif icant ly bet t er m yself t hr ou gh t he accum u lat ion of
new k now ledge or I can m er ely go t hr ou gh t he paces, achieve good grades, but
never r eally feel t he excit em ent of t he w or ds t hem selves. Obv iously, I am look ing
for t he form er scenar io = = a place w her e m ent al gy m nast ics ar e applauded.
Bu t m ent al cont or t ions shou ld n ot be done j ust for t he sake of doing t hem ; r at her,
t hey sh ould be un der st ood an d applied t o ev ery day life. For t his r eason , m y qu est
for self- en light enm ent is n ot lim it ed t o t he spher e of academ ics because t h e college
exper ience it self is n ot lim it ed t o classes – it is t he f orm at ion of t h e com plet e
indiv idu al, w hich m eans developing bot h social an d academ ic per sonalit ies. I have
confidence t hat t he people I will m eet in college w ill show m e an d shar e w it h m e
t h eir enor m ou s zest f or lif e. Th is ex t en ded f am ily w ill h elp m e t o for ge m y ident it y
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as a sch olar, as a cont r ibut or t o m y com m unit y, and as a m em ber of a fam ily.
Bu t neit her m y fam ily nor m y ex t ended fam ily nor m y t each ers could com pr ise m y
ent ir e iden t it y. Rat h er, I w ill r em ain like t he f ir st page of a book w it h t he fir st lin e
incom plet e – a st or y w ait ing t o be t old. ANALYSI S
Levey ’s essay is v er y m u ch a self- ex plorat ion of bein g an int ellect . Her idea of
em phasizing h er lov e of lear ning is solid and she clearly h as a sophist icat ed grasp of
pr ose, but t he ov erall package m ight have done bet t er w it h a lit t le m ore under st at ed
elegance. The int r oduct ion is int rig uing w it h t he use of an u nobvious hist or ical fact
about cust om s in t he Middle Ages. Sh e successfully int r oduces herself and her
per cept ion of her r ole in t he w or ld. The fir st t w o paragraphs ar e an easy r ead,
except t hat t h e u se of t oo m any poly sy llabic adj ect iv es can becom e a lit t le bit
dist ract ing. Personal essay s t hat are “ show m e rat her t han t ell m e” t en d t o be m or e
convincing. What m ent al gym nast ics h as she exper ienced befor e? W h ere has
sh e r eally pu sh ed f or self- gr ow t h? The sect ion w h ich descr ibes college as “ t he nex t
st op on m y j our ney f or self- enligh t enm ent ” and “ t he cr escendo of m y int ellect u al
rev olu t ion cat aly zed by pr ofessor s w ho can aw aken m y m ind, ignit e m y senses, and
alt er m y per cept ion of t he w or ld” is a lit t le bit over t h e t op. You don ’t have t o t ell t he
reader t h at college is t he n ext st ep in int ellect ual gr ow t h , t he r eader sh ould be able
t o sense it fr om t he essay it self. “M yu n g!” “ Myu ng!” - - My ung! H. Joh
The hot - blooded Spaniar d seem s t o be r evealed in t he passion an d u rgency of his
doubled exclam at ion point s…
- - - - - Pico Lyer, “ I n Praise of t h e Hum ble Com m a”
Ar e y ou a m em ber of t he Kung! Tribe? is a com m only asked quest ion wh en people
see m y signat ur e, w hich h as an ex clam at ion point at t he end of it . No, I am not a
m em ber of any t r ibe, nor am I pu t t ing t h e m ar k at t h e en d of m y nam e t o be “ cut e.”
I t is n ot sim ply a hiccu p in m y h andw r it ing; it is t her e f or a specific r eason. Bu t
bef ore I elaborat e on w hy I believe t he ex clam at ion point is such an appr opr iat e
pu nct uat ion m ark for m e, let us ex plore t he ot her m ar ks I m ight have used: My ung?
Alt hou gh t he quest ion m ark bears a cert ain swan- lik e elegan ce in it s un cer t ain
cu rv es, it sim ply does not do t h e j ob. While it is t r ue t h at I am const ant ly discover in g
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new t hings abou t m y self an d changing all t he t im e, I k now w hat I st and for, w hat m y
w eaknesses and st ren gt hs ar e, an d w h at I w ou ld like t o get out of lif e. I kn ow t h at
I w ant t o m aj or in English, at t end gr aduat e school, lear n as m u ch as possible fr om
t h ose w ho ar e w iser t han I , an d ev ent ually t each at a u niv er sit y. I am h eaded f or a
car eer in English; t her e is no quest ion abou t it . My ung,
I adm it t hat I do pause an d cont em plat e decisions befor e leaping in and r ushin g
ahead of m y self – spont aneit y is per haps n ot m y st rong poin t . Bu t t he com m a, w it h
it s dr aggin g, drooping t ail, does not adequ at ely describe w ho I am , because I k now
t h at life w ill n ot pau se f or m e; n or do I w ant it t o. Mid t he chaos of a hect ic sch edule
t hat balances clubs, act iv it ies, and AP cour ses, I alway s feel t he r ush of life, an d I
lov e it . I do n ot linger over failur es; du e t o m y passionat e nat ur e, I am cru shed by
disappoint m ent s, but I m ov e on. No pr olonged hesit at ion s or pau ses. My ung:
I const ant ly look for war d t o t he surpr ises t hat college and m y fu t ur e life pr om ise m e;
gr adu at ion seem s lik e t he begin ning of a w hole new chapt er. But t he colon , t hough
I w ill not deny it s t w o neat specks a cert ain pr ofessional air, does n ot do m y j ust ice.
I k now h ow t o liv e for t oday, h ave fu n, an d enj oy lif e inst ead of j u st w ait ing f or wh at
t he n ext chapt er m ay br ing. The fut ur e is un pr edict able. My pr esent lif e is not sim ply
t he pr ecu rsor t o w hat m ay f ollow. My ung.
Per haps t h is is t he m ost in accurat e pu nct uat ion m ar k t o descr ibe w ho I am . The
dr ab, sin gle ey e of t he per iod look s u pon an end, a fu ll st op = = but w it h t h e gr eat er
aspect s of m y educat ion st ill ah ead of m e, m y lif e is far fr om any k ind of t er m inat ion . My ung!
Howev er, t he exclam at ion point , w it h it s j au nt y ver t ical slash un der scor ed by a
per k y lit t le dot , is a h appy sor t of m ark , ch eerfu l, f ull of spice. I t s passion s m at ch
m ine: wh et her it be t he passion t hat keeps m e fu riously at t ackin g m y key boar d at
4: 5 0 in t he m or ning so t h at I m igh t per fect ly capt ur e a fant ast ic idea for a st or y, or
t he passion t h at lends it self t o a near ly crazed st at e of m ind in w hich I t ackle pet
pr oj ect s of m ine, such as clubs or act ivit ies I am especially dev ot ed t o.
One of m y great est passions, m y passion f or lear ning, en gender s in m e a passion for
t eachin g t hat I plan t o sat isfy fully as a pr ofessor. I want m y st udent s t o feel t he
ach ing beaut y of John Keat s’s words, his dr awn- out good- by e t o life. I w ant t hem t o
feel t he w or ld of diff erence in Rober t Frost ’s hushed “ t he w oods ar e lov ely, ar k and
deep,” as opposed t o h is edit or ’s ir r ev eren t “ t h e w oods are lov ely, dar k an d deep.” I
want t h em t o f eel t he j uiciness of Pablo Neruda’s sen sually r ipe poet r y w hen he
descr ibes t he “ w ide f ru it m out h ” of his lov er. Wit h t he h elp of m y exclam at ion point ,
I w ant t o t each people h ow t o r ip t he poet r y off t h e page and t ake it out of t he
classroom as w ell. I want t h em t o feel poet r y w hen t h ey see t he w ay t he shar p,
clean edges of a w hit e house look against a black and r ollin g sky ; I w ant t hem t o feel
it on t h e r oller coast er as it sur ges for war d, up, as t he sky becom es t he ear t h and
t he gr oun d r ushes up, t rem bling t o m eet t hem ; I want t h em t o feel it in t he n eon
pu ddles t hat m elt in t he st reet s in fr on t of sm ok y night clubs at m idn igh t . I wan t
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t hem t o k now how t o t ast e life!
My exclam at ion point sym bolizes a gen eral zeal for life t hat I w ant t o shar e w it h
ot h ers. An d I k now t hat is h as becom e as m uch a par t of m e as it h as m y signat ur e. ANALYSI S
This essay uses a sm all pu nct uat ion m ar k t o m ake a big point , loudly an d for cefully.
I t answ ers t he qu est ion “ w ho ar e y ou ?” in a n ot ably creat iv e, ex cit in g, and
elucidat in g m anner. Th rough an u nconv ent ional pr esent at ion, t he aut h or m anages
t o capt ivat e t he r eader ’s at t ent ion , w hile in for m in g him / her of subst ant ially
rev ealin g per sonal qualit ies. Th e st r ong, ener gized v oice t h at is used deliv er s bot h
a general, palpable sense of ent husiasm and a glim pse int o specific w ay s t h at it
m anifest s in t he au t hor ’s life.
The t echn ical w r it ing in t his essay dem onst rat es skill. Each par agr aph ex pr esses
one idea w it h cogency and br evit y. A per son ified punct uat ion m ark is pr esent ed
t hr ough an in t er est in g im age an d is t hen r elat ed t o in light of t he aut h or ’s char act er.
The fin al lin es of each par agraph t hen clever ly br ing a close t o t h e ideas pr esent ed t her ein.
Thou gh t he addit ion of an exclam at ion m ark could be seen as gim m ick y, t he au t hor
dem onst rat es t hat she has t he energy and t hought fulness n eeded t o back u p her
unusual choice, in r eal life and on t he page. I t is obv iou sly not a decision she h as
m ade ligh t ly, not j u st t o m ak e h er applicat ion st and ou t , alt hou gh one get s t he
im pr ession t hat My un g! w ould st and ou t in any crow d, r egar dless of h er n am e. it ’s
a r isk y m ove, bu t for her, it w or k s. “M yse lf ” “ My self ” - - by Jam ie Sm it h
A t eenage gir l, JAMI E, w alk s out on st age alone fr om st age left . She has br ow n hair
t h at falls t o h er shoulders and deep blu e eyes. She is w earin g a w h it e blouse and
blu e j eans an d in h er r ight h and is a pair of binocu lar s. The st age is dark except for
a single spot light follow ing JAMI E across t he st age. When she r each es t h e cent er,
sh e sit s dow n on t h e edge of t h e st age, h er feet dangling ov er, and raises t he
binocular s t o her ey es. She pr oceeds t o st are at t he audience t hr ough t hem for a
few seconds, t hen slow ly m oves t hem away fr om her face.
JAMI E: Wit h t hese binocu lar s I can see each one of you on an ext r em ely per sonal
level. ( She br in gs t he bin ocular s t o h er ey es t hen dow n again .) Do any of y ou
audience m em bers by any ch ance have y our ow n pair handy ? ( scanning t he
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audien ce) I w as afr aid of t his. Well, her e, w hy don ’t y ou t ake m ine for a w hile? ( She
j u m ps off t he fr ont of t he st age, h ands a fr ont r ow au dience m em ber her pair of
bin ocular s, t hen resum es her pr eviou s posit ion. ) Now look t hr ou gh t hose and t ell
m e w hat y ou see. Be honest now, I could use a good session of const ruct iv e cr it icism .
Wait , m ay be if I st and up y ou could get a bet t er look at m y t rue self. ( She st ands and
gr acefu lly t u r ns ar oun d. ) Make sur e y ou get ev ery angle now. Ok ay, now t ell m e
ever y t hing y ou k now about m e… n ot m uch t o t ell, is t her e. I m ean, y ou r eally don ’t
kn ow w hat k ind of per son is st an ding up on t his st age in fr ont of y ou blabber ing on
about binoculars and const r uct iv e crit icism . Well, I gu ess I hav e m y w or k cut ou t for
m e t oday ; I m ust descr ibe w ho I am . Fort unat ely, I did com e prepar ed. I hav e
pr ov ided m y self w it h a pr op – and t h e influence of a v ery special per son – t o assist
m e t h rou ghou t on e of t he m ost d ifficu lt per for m ances of m y life, an int er pr et at ion of
a piece I call “ My self.” ( sh e st eps off t h e st age an d ret ur ns t o t he audience m em ber
in t he fr ont r ow.) Do you m ind if I t ake t hese back now ? ( She r et ur ns t o t h e st age.)
t h e on e pr op is, y ou gu essed it , a pair of binocular s. Not j ust any binocular s, t hey
are one of t he few r em inder s I have of m y great - grandm ot her, Gr an. No, sh e w asn ’t
an in fam ous spy at lar ge dur ing Wor ld War 2 nor w as she an av id bir dwat cher. I n
198 6, wh en I was six an d she was ninet y- four w e bot h w at ched Halley ’s Com et
m ake it s celest ial appearance t hr ough t hese bin ocular s. I r em em ber she said t hat
sh e an d I w er e t r uly blessed because w e bot h w er e able t o see Halley ’s Com et t w ice
in ou r liv es. She t old m e about seein g it out in her back yar d in 1 909 , w hen she w as
t he sam e age I am now. t h ere w e w er e t oget h er, sev ent y- sev en y ear s lat er,
wat ch ing t he sam e com et shoot acr oss t he sam e sky. I t h ink of all t he t h ings t h at
have happened dur ing t h ose sevent y - sev en y ears, t he t r ium ph s and set back s Gran
ach ieved and endu red, and it has given m e st r engt h t o deal w it h t he challenges in
m y ow n lif e. I im agin e h ow m u ch life h ad ch anged since 1 909 an d w onder how m y
life w ill change by t h e t im e I see Halley ’s Com et again. What w ill I becom e? I w ill n ot ,
lik e Gran, be a par t of t h e Oklah om a lan d ru n or w it ness t h e bir t h of t he aut om obile.
I w ill pr obably not be quaran t in ed f or t uber cu losis or list en t o t h e pr ogr ession of t w o
w or ld war s ov er t h e radio. But I k now I w ill do an d be som et h ing. And t h e
det erm inat ion an d su ccess of m y gr eat- gran dm ot h er w ill h elp m e r each t his
som et hing. She is m or e t han a m em ory or a st ory, she has becom e a par t of m e: m y
fam ily, m y h ist or y, m y sour ce of k now ledge and m y sour ce of pr ide. Her st r uggles
and achiev em ent s ar e r eflect ed in m ine. She is w it h m e w hen I r ise and fall and
alw ays t here t o m ake sur e m y f eet ar e st ill on t h e gr oun d. She is w it h m e backst age
and w it h m e in t he spot ligh t . Sh e is a w om an. Sh e is m y gr eat - gran dm ot her. An d
t hat ’s t r uly w hat she is – gr eat , grand, ev ery t h ing. Gran . I t ’s am azing how a sim ple nam e can inspire so m uch.
Sh e sit s dow n, ret ur ning t o her in it ial posit ion w it h h er f eet dangling over t he edge.
She br ings t he binocular s t o her eyes and look s t hr ough t hem . But inst ead of look ing
at t he audience, she is at t em pt in g t o look beyond t hem , alm ost as if t her e is som e
inv isible sky beh ind t he r ow s of seat s. Sh e slow ly m ov es t he binocular s away fr om
her f ace, but her eyes ar e st ill fix ed on som e obj ect off in t h e dist ance.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
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JAMI E: On ly sixt y -x i y ear s t o go. I ’v e got t o m ake t hem coun t . ANALYSI S
Wr it t en in t he for m at of a play scr ipt m onologue, bot h in st yle and ov erall st r uct ur e,
t his essay addr esses t he concept t hat it is difficult t o evaluat e a per son fr om st r ict ly
su per ficial appearan ces. I n or der t o t r uly k now som eone, no m at t er h ow closely y ou
st udy t heir ou t er appearan ce, it is wh at ’ inside t hat cou nt s. Em ot ions, t h ough t s,
dr eam s, and per sonal goals ar e t he m ost im por t ant and t ellin g aspect s of on e’s
ident it y. The w r it er does not j ust t h eorize abou t such ideas, but m akes a logical
pr ogr ession by giv ing a concr et e, v iv id exam ple t o back up her t hesis. Wit h out
hav ing t o ex plicit ly list in t er est s or per sonalit y t rait s, t hey st y le of t he essay r ev eals
a good deal abou t t h e applicant : she pr obably enj oy s act ing or playw r it ing an d is
highly cr eat iv e an d opt im ist ic abou t life.
One of t he st rongest aspect s of t he essay is t he fact t hat it is wr it t en as a m onologue.
The creat iv e for m at is going t o st and out fr om t he t hou sands of ot her applicat ion
essays t hat adm issions officers m ust r ead. The use of bin ocu lar s as a link in g dev ice
bet w een t he pr esent an d t he past is highly eff ect iv e – it pr oduces an overall
coher ence w it hin t h e essay. The applicant ’s use of a v ery specific m om en t t o fr am e
her lov e for “ Gran” increases t h e n at ur alness of t he passage. I n m any cases, essays
w rit t en abou t fam ily m em ber can sound cont r iv ed. The u se of a specific ev ent adds
t o t he r ealism of t he applicant ’s em ot ion . The creat iv e u se of st age dir ect ion s
addr esses t he adage “ show – not t ell” head- on. I t is an effect ive w ay of creat ing a
m ent al pict ure of t h e applicant in a r eader ’s m in d. The essay also ends st r ongly as
t he last lin e clearly ident ifies t hat t he applicant is am bit ious, har d- w or king, and
eager t o m ake som et h ing out of her life.
The m onologue of t h e essay is effect iv e, bu t it is im por t ant t o point out t h at such
at t em pt s t o be over ly creat ive can backfir e. This applicant ’s fam iliar it y w it h t his
st y le of w r it ing is appar ent . I f you at t em pt t o w r it e y our essay in a n onst andar d
m ann er, m ak e su r.e y ou have a sim ilar com for t level w it h t h e t ech niques y ou ar e using. 哈佛 哈
佛 5 0 篇e ssa y- - 2 。观 。 点 观 哈佛 50 篇essay
第二部分 观点point of view
“I nt r od ucin g Cla r k Ke n t a n d W illy W on k a ”
“ I n t r oducing Clark Kent and Willy Won k a”
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aft er sliding h eadf irst t hr ough a f ield of cow du ng. The in t ellect ual’s ideas of higher
edu cat ion an d social equalit y sat w ell w it h m y m iddle- class Afr ican- Am er ican
st om ach. Du Bois r epr esent s ever yt hing I gr ew u p adm irin g. Du Bois w as t he radical
w ho at t ended Harv ard Univer sit y. His idea of a “ t alent ed t ent h” t o lead t he
Afr ican- Am er ican race st ar kly resem bles t he black m iddle class t oday. I had no
ch oice but t o agr ee w it h Du Bois.
So enam or ed w it h Du Bois was I t hat I for got about Washingt on’s pract ical ideas of
self- help and econom ic pow er. I w it nessed Wash ingt on’s ideas act ed ou t in ev er yday
life. I bought m y “ black” h air pr oduct s f rom and Asian ow ner in t h e m iddle of t he
gh et t o an d t he cor ner st or e ow ned by I ranians supplied m e w it h chips an d candy.
These fact s m ade m e feel t hat m ay be Afr ican- Am er icans had shov ed Washingt on
t oo far back in t o t h e closet . At t his j un ct ur e, Washingt on began t o giv e Du Bois
com pet it ion in a f or m erly one- sided w ar. Econom ic pr osper it y m eans pow er; a race
w it h econom ic pow er cann ot be denied social equalit y, r ight ?
I n order t o r esolv e t h e dilem m a pr esen t ed by t his t ug- of- w ar, I look ed at t h e
ingr edient s of m y life. Washin gt on appealed t o t h e par t of m e t hat wan t ed t o for get
about social equalit y. That par t of m e w ant ed t o liv e as it cam e an d f ocu s only on
self- advan cem ent . Du Bois appealed t o t he par t of m e t hat felt n o m an was a m an
w it hou t social equalit y. Eit h er w ay, bot h appealed t o m y life as an Afr ican- Am er ican.
The fact t h at t w o early t went iet h - cent ur y adv ocat es aff ect ed a ‘90 s
Afr ican- Am er ican gir l sh ow s t hat t heir m essage w as n ot lost in t he passage of t im e.
Neit her m an won t he t u g- of- w ar. May be t his t ug- of—war in m y head w as not m eant
t o be w on because t h eir ph ilosoph ies in fluen ced m e equally. Wash ingt on pr ov ided
t he pract ical ingr edient s for social advan cem ent w hile Du Bois pr ov ided t he
int ellect ual in gr edient s for such advan cem ent . Afr ican- Am er icans m ust evaluat e
bot h ph ilosoph ies and det er m in e h ow bot h v iew s can facilit at e t he advancem ent of
t he race. I st ill st and bet w een t w o m en but now I em br ace t hem equally. ANALYSI S
The quest ion of racial ident it y can be an enorm ous one for m any people and oft en
m akes a gr eat college essay. Wr it in g an essay about t h is par t of y ou r dev elopm ent
is in sigh t f ul in t o you r per son an d y ou r v iew s. Adm ission s officers ar e t r y ing t o get t o
a por t rait of w ho y ou ar e and w hat y ou value, and lit t le is m ore r ev ealing t han a
st r uggle for racial ident it y. Fr eelon chose t o w r it e about t w o black leader s t o show
w hat her racial ident it y m eans t o her. Her essay also show s a k een int er est in h ow
hist or y can be applied t o her lif e – an int erest t hat w ould appeal t o adm issions
officers t ry ing t o pick t h ough t ful in div iduals.
Fr eelon’s essay is w ell w r it t en an d w ell or ganized. She m ov es sm oot h ly fr om h er
opening t hought s int o t he body of t he essay and devot es equal t im e t o each
ph ilosophy. Sh e also show s clear ex am ples of w hy sh e or iginally lik ed Du Bois an d
w hy she changed her m ind about Washingt on . Her essay sh ow im por t an t elem en t s
Plagiarism is severely punished!
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of hu m an nat ur e – sh e adm it s t hat as a “ m iddle- class Afr ican-Am erican,” she has a
bias, and she is also w rong f rom t im e t o t im e.
The m ain danger in t his essay is over sim plif icat ion. I t ’s difficult t o condense t he
argu m ent s of t w o leader s int o a few paragr aph s, and Fr eelon doesn’t pr esent t he
t ot al v iew of t h eir ph ilosophies. She also assum es a f am iliar it y on t he par t of t h e
adm issions officers w it h issues of racial ident it y, w hich m ay or m ay not be t r ue.
Ov erall, h ow ever, Fr eelon’s essay is an excellent exam ple of how a per sonal iden t it y
st r uggle can rev eal a lot abou t t h e per son inside.
“ Thought s Beh ind a St eam - Coat ed Door ” By Neha Mah aj an
Till t aught by pain Men r eally k now n ot w hat good w at er ’s w or t h. - - - - - - Lor d By r on
A light gauze of st eam coat s t h e t ran spar ent door of m y show er. Th e t em perat ur e
k nob is t ur ned as f ar as it can go, and hot dr ops of wat er pen et rat e m y skin like t iny
bu llet s. Th e r hy t h m of w at er dan cin g on t he f loor creat es a blank et of soot h ing
soun d t hat env elops m e, m uf flin g t he chaot ic noises of our t h in- walled house.
Tension in m y back t hat I didn ’t ev en k now ex ist ed oozes out of m y por es in t o
st r eam s of w at er cascading in glist ening pat h s dow n m y body. I br eat he in a m ist of
her bal scent ed sham poo and liquid Dove soap, a w elcom e ch ange f rom t he
sem i- ar id air of Colorado. I n t h e show er I am alon e. No you nger siblin gs bar ging
unannounced in t o m y r oom , no fr iends int er rupt ing m e w it h t he shr ill rin g of t h e
t eleph one, no par ent s naggin g m e about fin ish ing college essay s.
The ceram ic t iles t hat line m y bat hr oom wall hav e t he per fect coefficient of
absor pt ion for r epeat ed r eflect ions of soun d w aves t o cr eat e t he w onder ful
rev er berat ion t hat m akes m y show er an acoust ic dr eam . Th e t w o by fou r st all is
t ransfor m ed int o Car negie Hall as Neha Mah aj an, w or ld- r enow ned m usician , sings
her h eart out int o a sham poo bot t le m icroph one. I lose m y self in t he haunt ing
m elism a of an aalaap, t he fr ee singin g of im pr ov ed m elodies in classical I ndian
m usic. I per fect ar rangem ent s for a capella singing, pract ice chor eography for
Ex calibur, and im pr ov ise songs t h at I w ill lat er st r um on m y guit ar.
Som et im es I sit in t he show er an d cry, m y salt y t ear s m ingling w it h t he clear dr ops
upon m y face un t il I can n o lon ger t ell t hem apar t . I h ave cr ied w it h t he despair of
m y f riend an d m ent or in t he Rape Crisis Team w h en sh e lost her sist er in a viciou s
case of dom est ic abuse, cried wit h t h e r ealizat ion of t he ur gency of m y w or k . I have
cr ied w it h t he inev it able t ears aft er wat ch ing Dead Poet ’s Societ y for t he sevent h
t im e. I have cried w it h t he sheer f ru st rat ion of m y inabilit y t o conv ince a fr ien d t hat
m y r eligious beliefs and v iewpoint s are as valid as h ers. Wit hin t hese glass w alls I
can cry, and m y t ear s ar e w ashed away by t he st inging h ot wat er of t he show er.
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The wat er t hat f alls f rom m y gleam ing brass show er head is n o or dinar y t ap w at er. I t
is in fused w it h a m y st er iou s pow er able t o act ivat e m y neur ons. My English t each ers
w ould be am azed if t h ey ev er discover ed h ow m any of m y com posit ions or iginat ed
in t he bat hr oom . I h ave rar ely h ad a case of w rit er ’s block t hat a long, hot show er
cou ld n’ t cu re. This daily r it u al is a ch ance for m e t o let m y m in d go fr ee, t o cat ch an d
reflect over any t h ough t s t h at dr ift t hr ough m y head befor e t hey vanish like t h e
ephem eral flashes of f ir eflies. I st and w it h m y eyes closed, w at er r unning t h rough
m y dr ippin g h air, an d t r y t o der iv e t he fu ll m ean ing conv eyed in chapt er six of m y
fav orit e book , Zen and t h e Art of Mot or cy cle Maint enan ce. I ’ll be lat her in g sham poo
int o t he m ass of t angles t hat is m y hair as I w or k on a syn aest hesia f or t he nex t t w o
lin es of a poem , or t he condit ion er w ill be slow ly soak ing t hr ough w h en I ex per ience
an Archim edean high, as a har d- t o- grasp phy sics concept pr esen t ed ear lier in t he
day suddenly r eveals it self t o m e. Now if only t hey had let m e t ake t hat AP Calculus t est in t he show er…
The spar k les of fallin g w at er m esm er ize m e int o r eflect ion . Th ought s t um bling in
som er sault s soft en int o a dewy m ellow ness. Do t hese dr ops of w at er car r y a seed of
consciou sness w it h in t hem ? As I wat ch t h e w at er w ink ing w it h t he r eflect ed ligh t of
t h e bat hr oom , it appear s t o glow in t he fu lfillm ent of it s k ar m a. Then , for a split
second, all t hought s cease t o ex ist and t im e st an ds st ill in a m om ent of per fect
silence and calm lik e t he m ir ror sur face of a placid lake.
I k now I have a t endency t o deplet e t he house supply of hot wat er, m uch t o t h e
annoyance of t he r est of m y f am ily. I kn ow I should heed m y m ot her ’s cont inual
w arn ings of t he disast r ous st at e of m y sk in af t er year s of t hese long show ers; as it
is, I go t h rough t w o bot t les of lot ion a m ont h t o cu re m y post- show er “ pr une”
sy n dr om e. But m y show er is t oo im por t ant t o m e. I t is a sm all pock et of t im e aw ay
for m t he frant ic deadlin e an d count less places t o be an d t hin gs t o do. I t is a chance
t o r eflect , an d enj oy—a bit of w elcom e fr ict ion t o slow dow n a hect ic day. The w at er
flow s int o a swir ling spir al dow n t h e drain beneat h m y feet . I t cleanses not only m y
body, bu t m y m ind and soul, leaving t he bar e essence t hat is m e. Analy sis
This essay illust rat es h ow som et h ing as or dinar y as a h ot show er can be used
auspiciously t o r eveal any t hing of t he aut hor ’s choosing. Mahaj an could have
focused on t he academ ic subj ect s or ex t racur r icu lars sh e m ent ions in her essay,
su ch as phy sics or t h e Rape Crisis Team , but in st ead she chooses a daily r it u al
com m on t o us all. Though ever y one can r elat e t o t akin g a show er, doubt less few
sh ow er in quit e t he sam e w ay Mahaj an does or f ind it t o be su ch an in t ellect u ally and
em ot ionally st ir ring ex per ience. The in t im acy of t he act set s an appr opr iat e st age
for her per sonal descr ipt ion of unrav eling fr om life’s st resses by singing int o a
sh am poo bot t le m icr oph one.
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Ther e is n o sign al, clear focus t o t he essay, bu t t his accurat ely r eflect s t he show er
exper ience it self—“ t o cat ch an d r elect over any t hough t s t hat dr ift t hr ough m y head
befor e t hey v anish.” Mah aj an t ouches on sch oolw or k, classical I ndian m u sic and
cont em plat ion about h er fav or it e book , all w it h hu m or ous f lair, and she ev en goes
int o em ot ionally r evealing descr ipt ions of cry ing in t h e show er. Unfor t un at ely, she
dw ells on cry ing for an ent ir e paragraph , and r eader cann ot help but w on der
w het her she could surv iv e w it h out h er show er t o cleanse h er “ m ind and soul.”
Ult im at ely, t hat Mahaj an der ives lit erally so m u ch inspirat ion and r elief f rom t he
sh ow er seem s rat her har d t o believ e. Th e not ion t hat she could have done bet t er on
her AP Calculus t est had she been allow ed t o t ak e it in t he show er is am using, but
doesn ’t seem t o add m uch bey ond t he suggest ion st and t hat vagu e “ har d- t o- grasp
phy sics concept ” seem s ex cessiv e. Already she dist inct ly conv ey s h er int er est in
science t hr ough her language—“ t he per fect coeff icient of absorpt ion for r epeat ed
reflect ion s of sound w aves” –and a supposedly subt le r eaffir m at ion of t his in t er est seem s u nnecessar y.
Mahaj an’s viv id langu age and u nu su al descr ipt ion ar e pr inciple qualit ies of t h is
essay. Sh e deft ly avoids t he t em pt at ion of r esor t ing t o clichés, and m ost ev ery t hing
is ent ir ely un pr edict able. A r elat iv ely m in or point is t hat her econom y of language
could be im pr ov ed, as ot her wise flu id sent ences ar e occasionally over done w it h an
excess of adj ect iv es and adv erbs. Nonet heless, Mahaj an convey s h er t alent for
cr eat iv e w r it ing, and t his carr ies h er essay for beyong t h e lesser issu es m ent ioned
earlier. An d, of cour se, her dist inct iv e show ers t hem e h elps t h is exhibit ion of t alent st and out . 哈佛 哈
佛 5 0 篇e ssa y- - 3 。难 。 忘 难 的 忘 时 的 刻 时 Sensibilit y - - by Am anda Dav is
The put r id st ench of r ot t en salm on w aft s t hr ough t h e boar dwalk , per m eat ing t he
Fiv e St ar Café w it h a fishy odor. I stan d, chopping r ed pepper s for t om or row ’s soba
salad, in t he back of t he m inu scule k it chen. Adam , a pr et t y boy w it h cropped hair,
st ands beside m e, r elat ing t ales of sn ow boar ding in Sw eden w hile slicing pr ovolone
ch eese. Tour ist s w alk by t he caf é, som e peer ing in t hr ough t he w indow s, ot her s
int er est ed on ly in f ish sw im m in g upst r eam – clicks of cam eras capt ur e t he endless
st r uggle for sur vival. I t is 3 : 00 in t he aft ernoon, t he lu nch ru sh has died dow n, t he
evenin g r ush has n ot yet st ar t ed. I relax in t he r hy t h m ic t rance of t he dow nw ard
m ot ion of t h e k nif e, as I w at ch t he r ed peppers fall in t o pr ecise slices. The door opens. A cust om er.
Adam look s t ow ard m e. “ Your t ur n.”
I nod, pull m y self aw ay f rom t he pepper s, and t u rn t o t he r egist er. A m an st ands,
look ing at m e. His ey es, h idden under t angled gray hair, cat ch m ine, an d m y eyes
dr op, dow n t o his arm s. Spider lin es of old t at t oos st and out , w or ds and pict ur es an d
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sy m bols sk et ch ed on t hin, alm ost em aciat ed ar m s. I k now I am st ar ing. I look up.
“ Can I h elp you ?” I br ight ly ask.
He look s at m e w ar ily. “ A cup of coffee.”
Adam hands him a cup an d goes back t o slicin g.
“ That w ill be one dollar, sir.” He fu m bles in h is pocket , an d pu lls ou t a w r ink led dollar
bill. He ex t ends his hand, t hen – su ddenly – pu lls back. His face changes, and he
leans t ow ar d m e, cast ing a f righ t ened glan ce at t he cash r egist er.
“ I s t hat – is t hat - - ” h e st um bles ov er h is w ords. “ I s t hat alive?”
I look t o t he m achine. I t s com m on gr ay ext er ior r est s on t he cou nt er, t he gr een
num erals display ing t h e am ount ow ed. I t hin k of m y first day s at t he Five St ar, w hen
I w as sur e t hat it w as aliv e – a nefar iou s m ach ine m anipulat in g t h e cost s t o cause
m y h um iliat ion. As t h e day s pr oceeded, w e slow ly gain ed a t ru st for on e an ot h er,
and it s on ce ev il dem ean or h ad chan ged – t o t hat of an or din ar y m achine. I t hin k of
t he w or ld – cont r olled by m achines, t he cars and com put er s and clocks – wou ld t hey,
could t h ey, r ise up against u s? The espr esso m achin e is behind m e, it could at t ack –
t he hot w at er spu rt ing for t h, blinding m e as t he cash regist er f alls an d k nocks m e
ont o t h e floor as I – No, of cour se not . Sensibilit y w ins again.
“ No, sir. I t ’s j ust a m achine,” I ex plain. He eyes m e, unt r ust ing of m y w ords, in n eed
of r eassurance. “ I t t akes m oney.” I t ake his dollar, an d show him h ow, w it h a push
of a but t on , I can place t he m on ey inside. He t akes his coff ee w it h bot h h ands, and sips it .
“A m achin e…” he quiet ly r epeat s.
The cash r egist er sit s, silent on t he coun t er. ANALYSI S
I n bot h subj ect m at t er and st y le, “ Sensibilit y ” is a br eat h of fr esh air. I m agine
readin g st acks of essays about m u ndane t opics, an d t hen com ing u pon one about
red peppers, pr ovolone cheese and a cash r egist er – how cou ld it n ot st and out ?
Rat h er t han descr ibing a life- alt ering ex per ience or an inf luent ial r elat ionship, t he
w rit er r eveals her self and her t alent s indir ect ly by br in ging u s int o a capt ivat ing scene.
Wit h t h e skills of a creat iv e w r it er, t he aut hor uses crisp det ail t o m ake t h e Five St ar
Café spr ing t o life and t o place u s in t h e seaside k it ch en. Ev en if all t he essay does
is grab our at t ent ion and for ce us t o r em em ber it s au t hor, t his essay is a su ccess.
Bu t “ Sensibilit y” h as ot her st ren gt h s. The dialogue w it h t he em aciat ed m an raises
pr ov ocat iv e qu est ions abou t m oder n life. How do w e r elat e t o t he m achines ar oun d
us? How does “ sensibilit y ” change in t his new env ir onm ent ? And how do m achines
affect our r elat ions w it h people of dif fer ent classes and back gr ounds? The essay
does n ot pr et end t o answer t h ese quest ions, bu t in raising t hem it r eveals it s au t h or
t o possess an im pr essive degr ee of sophist icat ion and, at bot t om , an int erest ing m ind.
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All t he sam e, “ Sen sibilit y ” is n ot w it hout it s fault s. For one, t he scene seem s so
su rr eal t hat w e ar e led t o w onder w het her t h is is a w or k of fict ion . An d adm issions
essay w ill be st r onger t h e m ore w e can t ru st t h at w e ar e hear ing t he aut hor ’s hon est ,
per sonal v oice; t h e f ict ion al qualit y h ere j eopar dizes t hat . Mor eov er, alt hou gh t he
aut h or pr oves t h at she is t hought ful and t alent ed and has a v iv id im aginat ion, m any
qu est ions ar e left un answ er ed. Does t he aut hor want t o be a wr it er? How w ould h er
cr eat iv it y t ranslat e int o a cont r ibu t ion t o t h e com m unit y ? We w ould n eed t o r ely on
t h e r est of her applicat ion t o f ill in t hose gaps. St ill, on t he w hole, “ Sensibilit y ” is
su ccessf ul bot h because of and in spit e of it s r isk in ess.
A M e m or a ble D a y A Mem or able Day
- - by Ayana Elizabet h Johnson
Walk ing t hr ou gh m eadow and for est and m ud, helpin g an d bein g h elped across
st r eam s, looking at lakes, st ars and t r ees, sm elling pines and h orses, and generally
t rav eling t hr ough a half- seen w or ld, all h appened befor e four A. M. Th e t en of us
st opped near a w at er fall t o absorb t he beaut y of t he r ising sun . Th e sky was on fir e
befor e t he em ber s died out and on ly t he blues an d y ellow s r em ained. I saw t he
beam s of t he sun slide dow n fr om t he sky an d int o a m eadow, and felt m y happin ess
slide dow n m y cheek s. To t he sky I sang m y t hank s.
As our j ou rney t o t h e Grand Pyram id cont inu ed, I m et n ew flow ers. At t h e base of it s
peak , I looked u p w it h excit em en t , and t hen out for st abilit y. I nt im idat ed and y et
det erm ined, I st ar t ed t o crawl up t he m ou nt ain. I f oun d geodes, and t hat big r ocks
aren ’t alw ays st able. I w asn ’t alone, bu t I w as clim bin g by m y self. At t h e t op, t he
four of us w ho had cont inu ed fr om t he base w ere gr eet ed by t h e beaut y of n eedle
peak s and m ount ain ranges and m iles of a clear v iew in ever y dir ect ion, w it hou t t h e
bit t erly cold w in ds an d t he fear of height s I h ad ex pect ed w ou ld be t her e t oo. Ther e
was sim ply n at ur e and su nsh ine and fr iendship, an d t he elat ion t hey br ing.
Balloon s w er e blow n up and at t ached t o m e. People dan ced ar oun d m e and shout ed,
and a sm ile I cou ldn ’t cont r ol bur st for t h .
On t he w ay dow n, inst ead of t ear s of j oy t hat h ad accom panied t he sunr ise, t her e
w ere songs of j oy, an d I t h ought . I r ealized t hat t h e r ew ards an d t hr ills an d
m em or ies ar e in t he j our ney and not in r each ing t he dest inat ion. I h ad believ ed t his
bef ore an d ev en said it ou t loud, but t h is w as dif fer ent . I look ed at ev ery t hin g along
t he w ay. I st opped and r est ed and at t em pt ed t o et ch each differ ent v iew int o m y
m em or y. Th e h ack neyed ph rase of “ enj oying ev ery st ep along t he way ” was
som et h ing I liv ed, and as a r esult I felt r ich er t han I h ad ev er been. I pr om ised
m y self t h at t his lesson I w ou ld n ever for get , but as I w as descending fr om t he
highest point t o w hich I ’d ev er j our neyed, m y t hought s t oo r et ur ned t o a m or e
pr agm at ic lev el. I r em em ber ed t hat each j our ney in m y life w ouldn’t be as
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
ch allenging or excit ing or r ew ardin g as t his one had been; never t h eless, it is t he
flow er s an d geodes and sm iles an d balloon s t hat m ak e t h e j our n ey w or t h wh ile.
I had only been singing for m y self and for t he m oun t ains, but ev er yone had hear d
m e, an d, w hen I r eached t h e bot t om , I w as gr eet ed w it h congrat u lat ions and
laugh t er – af t er all, I did h ave balloons t ied t o m e.
And t he j our ney cont in ued. The w at erfall w e h ad only r eally hear d befor e day- br eak
was n ow v isible, and I w as convinced t o j um p in an d m ake it t angible t oo. I plunged
m y h ead u nder it s t or rent ial flow, only t o receive a h eadache f rom it s coldness as a
rew ar d for m y boldness. I r em oved m y- t h en- num ber ed- self f rom t he w at er and w as
lacin g u p m y boot s w hen it began t o h ail. I h ad been w ishing t h at snow w ould fall on
t his August day, bu t hail w as close enough. The few of u s w ho had brav ed t he
wat erfall t h en ran t o cat ch t he gr oup in t he for est befor e t he im m inent t hun der st orm arr iv ed.
I saw in t he day light w hat I h ad ( or rat her h adn’t ) seen in t he m oon light . The
st r eam s w e had helped each ot her cr oss in t he dar k w er e n o m or e t han r ivu let s
t hr ough a field in t he lig ht . The m y st erious w oods w er e t ur ned ser ene by t he rays of
t he sun , and I t hought of t he gr eat chasm t hat oft en exist s bet w een appearance and
realit y. Th e m u d pu ddles t hat had been obst acles w er e n ow only anot her det ail of
t h e landscape, an d I t hou gh t abou t t hin gs t hat ar e a challenge t o m e w hich ot her s
find sim ple. The m eadow w her e I h ad t r ipped w hile t r ying t o st ar- gaze and w alk ,
becam e a place t o cloud – gaze and w onder at t h e st or m , and I t hought of t he m any
way s differ ent people can appr eciat e t he sam e t hing.
The hum bling t hun der appr oached. I t gr ow led. Suddenly, t h e fr ight eningly beaut iful
com panion of t h e t hunder st r uck a hill not so far ahead of u s. A f riend, t he on ly ot her
per son w ho h ad seen it , and I r an scr eam ing an d laugh ing int o t he t r ees, bu t k new
w e w ould be all r igh t because w e w ere t oget her.
A t r ek by m oonligh t , a sky on fir e, leak in g ey es, 13, 85 1feet up, balloons, geodes,
songs, icy w at erf alls, hail an d ligh t ning w er e m y sevent een t h bir t hday. ANAYLYSI S
This easy is eff ect iv e because it car r ies t he m et aph or of t he j our ney of lif e fr om t he
clim b u p t he m ount ain all t he way t hr ough. The essay is w ell or ganized and
st r uct ur ed, design ed t o r epr esent t h e r econst ruct ion of t he aut hor ’s excit ing day,
st ar t ing w it h h er in it ial r eact ion t o t he scener y t o her elat ion of finishin g at t h e end.
Each paragraph, t hou gh var ied in lengt h, t ells a par t of t he j ou rney and a change in
t he au t hor ’s gr ow ing perspect iv e on life.
The au t h or u ses a lot of act iv e descript ion, w hich t he r eader can easily relat e t o an d
alm ost ex per ience a par t of her j ou rney. Phr ases such as “ only t o r eceiv e a
headache fr om it s coldn ess as a r ewar d for m y boldness,” speak poignant ly because
t he r eader can alm ost feel t h e st ing of t h e dip in t he wat er fall. Th e com par ison
bet w een daylight and m oonlight also w or ks w ell becau se it allow s t he w r it er a
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Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
ch ance t o dem onst rat e her abilit y t o describe cont rast .
The r eader m ay be slight ly disorient ed by t h e lack of cont ex t for t he st ory, as w e ar e
not t old w her e t he aut h or is or why sh e is clim bing a m ount ain. How ever, t h rough
t h e carefu lly cont r olled descript ion t h e au t h or rev eals her r eflect iv e nat ur e and
per sonal r ealizat ion as she ascends an d descends t h e m oun t ain, hence, show ing t he
par allel phy sical an d em ot ion al pr ogr ession . Her concludin g sent ence, t h ough not
par t icular ly poignan t , ser v es as a st r ong sum m ar y of a w ell- w r it t en piece. A n igh t Unfor got t en By Freder ick Ant w i
An hour befor e t he com m encem ent of t he per sonalit y cont est , I deposit ed m y bag
car efu lly in a cor ner of t he changin g r oom . From m y vant age point , I could see t he
m uscu lar senior s com par in g t heir lov ely t hr ee- piece suit s and m using about w hich
one of t hem w ould w in t h e t it le. A bony, st ut t erin g j unior w it h no su it and no new
sh oes, I swallow ed har d and r esolved t o give t h e pageant m y best shot . Since t he
fir st r ound of t he pr ogram w as a parade in t radit ional w ear, I ner v ously pu lled out
m y kent e, dr aped t he beaut ifu lly w ov en red and y ellow fabr ic ar oun d m y t hin fram e,
pinned on m y “ cont est ant n um ber f ive” badge and hur ried t o t ake m y place in line.
Wishing h opelessly t hat m y m ot her w as am ong t he spect at or s an d n ot w or king in
som e hospit al in a foreign count ry, I stepped out ont o t he polished wooden st age.
I m m ediat ely, one t housand t w o hun dr ed cu rious ey es bor e int o m e. My cheek s
t w it ched v iolent ly, m y t h roat const rict ed and m y k nees t urn ed t o j elly. I fou ght for
cont r ol. Bending m y ar m s slight ly at t he elbow s, I st r ut t ed acr oss t he st age in t he
usual f ashion of an Asant e m onar ch and m ercifu lly m ade it back t o t he chan ging
room w it hout m ishap. The crow d erupt ed int o a fr enzied cheer. As I r et ur ned for t he
“ casu al w ear ” r ound, som et hing m agical happened.
I t was singular em ot ion t hat no w ords can descr ibe. I t began as an achin g,
beau t if ully t ender ness in t he pit of m y st om ach, gradu ally bubbling in t o m y chest ,
fillin g m e w it h w arm t h an d radian ce, m elt in g aw ay all t h e t en sion. Slow ly, it
eff erv esced int o m y m out h, ont o m y t on gue and in t o w or ds. As I spoke t o t he crow d
of m y past im es and passion s, w or ds of such silk y t ext ur e pour ed out fr om m y soul
w it h un par alleled candor and cadence. The v oice t hat issued fr om m y lips w as at
once r icher, deeper, st r onger t han I h ad ev er pr oduced. I t was as t hough an inner
self, a core essence, had br oken f ree and t aken cont r ol. Severed fr om r ealit y, I
float ed t hr ough t he r em ainder of t hat r em ar k able ev ening.
One hour lat er, t he bar it one of t he pr esent er r ang out in t o t he cool nigh t air. “ Mr. GI S
Personalit y 199 3, select ed on t he basis of confidence, char ism a, cult ural r eflect ion ,
Plagiarism is severely punished!
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st yle, eloquence, w it and or iginalit y, is Cont est ant nu m ber…”
“ Fiv e! One! Five! Five!” r oar ed t he elect r ified cr ow d.
My h eart pounded f ur iously. My br eat hing r educed t o sh allow gasps.
“ Cont est ant n um ber f ive!” ex ploded t he pr esen t er in conf irm at ion.
For a f ew sacr ed m om ent s, t im e st opped. My ear s scr eam ed, an d m y low er j aw,
defy in g t he gr ip of m y facial m u scles, dr opped lik e a draw - br idge. Then I r ushed
for war d, bear- hu gged t he pr esent er and em braced ev ery one else I could lay m y
hands on! Am idst t h e t u m ult , t h e Manager of KLM Airlines m ount ed t he st age,
pr esen t ing m e w it h a m et er - lon g Accra- Am st er dam - London r et u rn t icket . As I st ood
br andishin g m y sky- blue cardboar d t icket , posing sham elessly f or t he cam eras an d
gr inn ing sheepishly at t he t h ron g, a pang of r egr et shot t hr ough m e. I f only m y
m ot her cou ld h ave been in t hat cr ow d t o w it n ess and indeed be a par t of t his m ost poignant of all m em or ies. ANALYSI S
“ The u nusual ex per ience” is a st aple of college ent r ance essays, but in t his case t he
exper ience is t r uly unusual- a personalit y cont est for m en. I t ’s also in t er est ing t o see
Ant w i’s t ransfor m at ion fr om shy t o super st ar. Ant wi concent rat es on a fix ed even t in
t im e and u ses it t o show t he spect ru m of his per son alit y - shy, confident , excit ed,
lon ely- in an am u sing an d ent er t ain ing way.
I t ’s n o w onder Ant w i w on t he cont est . He’s a gr eat st or y t eller. He h as an acut e sense
of det ail- “ one t housand and t w o hun dr ed cur iou s eyes,” “ t h e fashion of an Asant e
m onar ch” - and is good at height en ing dr am a. Th e essay is also upbeat and fun t o read.
I t w ould h ave been nice t o k now w hat Ant w i said in t he t hir d paragraph inst ead of
sim ply r eading about t h e “ un paralleled candor and cadence” w it h w hich he spok e.
Also, Ant w i does n ot ex plain t he w hat , w here, or w hy of t he cont est , w hich ar e all
im por t ant t o k n ow. Ov erall, how ev er, h is per sonalit y sh ines t hr ough as st ellar. Ban ana By Nat han W. Hill
Plagiarism is severely punished!
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I w as hu ngry and t he su n im paled m e on it s searing r ay. I w or e a w ool coat , black
w it h r ed cot t on lining. I t had serv ed m e w ell in t h e m ist y foot hills of t he Him alay as,
w her e His Holiness, t he Dalai Lam a, gave his blessin g. The coat had r ecen t ly
ret ur ned f rom a long absence. I w or e it despit e t he heat .
The h um id w eat her an d t he final wilt ing blossom s of lat e Sept em ber conspir ed t o fill
m y h ead w it h snot . The m igh t y h am m er, Mj ollnir, pounded his lam ent bet w een m y ears.
I w alked dow n t o The Bar n, our cafet eria, but it w ouldn’t open again u nt il t hr ee.
Then, I r em em bered Clint , m y j unior y ear English t each er, and w alked back t o t h e
Upper School. Clint alw ays k ept a few ov er r ipe ban anas in t he f ruit bow l w it h t he
past due v ocab t est s. Laur a, w ho shar ed t he office, com plained of t he fet id sm ell of
rot t en fr uit an d t hat Clint m ade gr unt ing n oises as he w or ked hunched in his bow t ie,
over a m ound of dish eveled papers. On occasion, he st ret ched his ar m t owar ds
Laura’s desk and asked her, w it h a br uised banana dangling fr om his hand, “ Wou ld
you like a banan a, Laura?” Wit h a crin kled nose, Laura alw ays polit ely r eplied, “ No,
t h ank y ou, Clint ,” and w at ched in disgust as he w olf ed it dow n.
The heavy w ooden door t o Clint ’s of fice st ood pr opped open becau se of t he heat .
I nside, a sm all elect r ic fan sat on t op of t h e com put er, it m ade an obnoxious noise
bet w een t he soun d of buzzing bees an d chom ping t eet h . A t iny st rip of paper dar t ed
befor e t he spinnin g blades. Clint looked up fr om h is w or k and asked w it h nasal
condescension, “ Can I help y ou, Nat e?”
I r esponded ph legm at ically, “ May I h ave a ban ana?” t h e sweat dr ipping off t he end of m y n ose.
Wit h a m ixt ur e of pit y and r epr oach, he r aised his ar m t o poin t at t he w ooden bow l
on t op of t he gray file cabinet . I lift ed t h ree v ocab t est s away.
I grabbed it , soft an d br ow n. I t s sw eet arom a dist ract ed m e fr om t he t h robbin g of
m y head. I held t he banana in m y r ight h and, and m ov ed m y left hand t o it s st em , ready t o divest m y pr ey.
A t hin st icky liquid st ar t ed seeping t hr ough m y h and. Not ex pect ing a ban ana t o leak
I dr opped it , and hear d a low t hu d, f ollow ed by splat t er ing.
The ban ana bu rst open; it s m ushy yellow gut s flew. A dr ippin g peel r em ain ed of m y sear ch for happiness.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! ANALYSI S
Hill h as t aken t he basic nar rat iv e f or m in t his essay and t ran sf orm ed it in t o
som et h ing m em orable. Wh ile Hill h as alluded t o t he fact t hat he w as in t he
Him alayas and t hat he w as giv en a blessin g by t h e Dalai Lam a, h e does n ot dw ell on
t h ose ev ent s, how ev er signif ican t or u niqu e. Rat her, h e chooses t o concent rat e on
sim ple t opics: hu nger and a covet ed banana.
The st ren gt h of Hill’s essay r est s w it h his descr ipt iv e langu age. The end of t he essay
par t icular ly im pact s t he r eader w it h v iv id im ager y. Few w h o r ead t his essay w ill
for get t h e im age of an over ripe banan a ex ploding. Hill’s ph rasing is at t im es
per fect : ”…ready t o div est m y pr ey,” is one such ex am ple of conv incing, pow er ful
language. Hill has conv eyed t he exact m agnit ude of h is hunger and desir e for t hat
ban ana w it h t h is ph rase.
A few ar eas could be st r engt hened, h owev er. Hill is som ewhat m eandering in his
openin g, t ouching on t opics like t he Dalai Lam a and t he Him alay as, w hich t hou gh
int er est ing ar e n ot signif icant t o t he m ain t h rust of t he n arrat ive. Also, Hill’s u se of
dialogue an d t he descript ion of Clint and Laur a ar e a lit t le aw kw ard. He m ight have
done bet t er t o hav e sim ply expan ded upon t he lat t er par agraphs of his essay,
focusing m or e on t he banan a and h is hu nger and om it t in g t his dialogue and t h e
descr ipt ion of Clint . Despit e t hese sm all com plicat ion s, Hill has don e t h e t r ick and
pr oduced an essay t hat dem an ds at t ent ion and r espect . A Lesson Abou t Life By Aaron Miller
Finally t he day h ad ar r ived. I was on m y w ay t o Aspen, Color ado. I had hear d
w onderfu l st or ies abou t t he Aspen Mu sic School fr om f riends w ho h ad at t ended in
pr ev ious y ear s, and I w as cert ain t hat t his sum m er w ou ld be an unbelievable
lear ning ex per ience. I w as especially excit ed t o be st udying w it h Mr. Her bert St essin,
an est eem ed pr ofessor from t h e Ju illiar d Sch ool.
Aft er j ust a few lessons w it h Mr. St essin, I k new t h at I w ould n ot be disappoint ed. Mr.
St essin is so incredib ly shar p t hat no det ail get s but him . He not ices ever y t ur n of
each m usical ph rase, cat ches w r ong not es in com plex chor ds, and in t erj ect s his w r y
sense of hum or int o every lesson . As I w as pr epar ing Beet hoven ’s Sonat a, Op.31 ,
No. 3, f or a m ast er class, he w arn ed m e at t h e end of a lesson, “ Don ’t play t his t oo
w ell, Aar on , or I ’ll hav e n ot hin g t o say !”
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
The m ast er class w ent qu it e w ell consider ing t hat it w as m y fir st per for m ance of t he
sonat a. A f ew day s lat er, as I w alked across t h e br idge ov er t he creek w hich w inds
t hr ough t he m usic school cam pu s, I saw Mr. St essin’s w if e, Nancy, w ho w as also on
t he Aspen facult y. I wav ed t o her, an d as I w alked past she said som et h ing t o m e
w hich I didn ’t cat ch over t he r oar of t he r ush ing wat er. I st opped for a m om ent as
sh e r epeat ed, “ Th at w as a v ery nice Beet hoven y ou played t he ot her day.” We had a
br ief conv ersat ion , and I w as t ou ched by her t hought ful com m ent .
On July 15 I h ad m y last lesson w it h Mr. St essin, and walked w it h h im t o t he din ning
hall. As I was sit t ing dow n w it h m y f riends t o have lun ch, som eone w hisper ed t o m e,
“ Mrs. St essin passed out !” w e nat urally assum ed t h at sh e h ad fain t ed fr om t h e
alt it ude or t he heat . Howev er, w e soon r ealize t hat t he sit uat ion w as m or e ser ious,
as an am bulance w as called t o t ake her t o t he near by hospit al.
Not hing could hav e pr epar ed m e for t he news t hat t w o dist raught fr iends br ought
lat e t hat nigh t t o m y r oom m at e and m e. Mrs. St essin h ad nev er r egain
consciou sness and had died of a r upt ur ed aneur ysm . That night , m y r oom m at e and
I could not sleep; w e t alk ed about ou r m em or ies of Mrs. St essin for hour s on end. I n
t he m orn ing, Dean Last er called us t oget her t o officially ann ounce t h e sad n ews.
Num b w it h disbelief t hat t his vibr ant and dedicat ed w om an w as gon e, w e w onder ed
how Mr. St essin could possibly cope w it h t his t er rible t r agedy. Sur ely he w ould be
heading back t o New Yor k as soon as arran gem ent s could be m ade.
I couldn’t have been m or e w rong. Only days aft er, Mr. St essin was back in h is st udio, t eachin g!
I nit ially shocked by Mr. St essin’s decision t o st ay, I soon began t o u nder st and h is
t hin kin g. He and h is w ife had been t eaching at Aspen for m any y ears an d had built
a st ron g sense of com m un it y w it h t he facult y and st uden t s. Fu rt her m or e, I r ealized
t hat he found com fort t hr ou gh h is lov e of m usic and his com m it m ent t o h is st udent s.
Leaving Aspen w ould have m ean t leavin g behind h is f ondest m em or ies of Nancy.
Aft er st u dy ing a Mozart piano concert o w it h Mr. St essin all sum m er, I w as for t unat e
t o h ave t he oppor t un it y t o dedicat e m y per for m ance t o t h e m em or y of Mr s. St essin.
At t he end of t he concert , m y last ev ening in Aspen, I was gr eet ed by fr iends an d
facult y m em ber s backst age. When I saw Mr. St essin appr oach ing m e, he w as
beam ing. “ That was a w onderfu l per for m ance!” he said, and gave m e a hug. He
cont in ued, “ And t h ank y ou for t h e dedicat ion. I ’ll m iss you .” We hu gged again.
Last e sum m er did indeed t ur n out t o be an u nbelievable learn ing ex perience.
Alt hough Mr. St essin t aught m e a gr eat deal about m usic and t he piano, in t he end
his gr eat est lesson abou t life.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! ANALYSI S
Miller builds a st ron g essay arou nd t w o big st ories: a phenom enal accom plishm ent and a m ov ing deat h .
He has a good ear for coupling dialogue and nar rat ion, and pr oj ect s h im self w it h
at t ract iv e m odest y. Miller offer s t he r eader a chance t o appr eciat e an especially
w ide r ange of qu alit ies: em pat hy, vir t uou sly, w isdom , and gen er osit y, alt hough he
m isses a good opport unit y t o descr ibe h ow he feels about t he m usic h e per for m s,
and his conclusion is som ewhat t r it e.
Miller lim it s his essay t o allow in g t he r eader t o appr eciat e one’s m at ur it y, but one
m ust have a gent le t ouch and healt h em ot ion al dist ance. 哈佛 哈
佛 5 0 篇e ssa y- - 4 。经验之歌 “ Should I Jum p?” - - Tim ot hy F. Sohn
As I st ood at op t h e old railr oad- br idge som e six st or ies abov e t he w at er, m y m ind
was r acin g dow n conv olut ed pat hs of t h ough t : Logic and r eason wou ld oblige m e t o
get off t his ru st in g t r est le, ru n t o m y car, fast en m y seat belt , and dr iv e hom e
car efu lly w hile obeying t he speed lim it an d st opping f or any an im als w hich m igh t
wander int o m y pat h. Th is ban al an d u t t er ly saf e scenar io d id n ot sit w ell w it h m e.
I felt t he n eed t o do som et hin g r eckless and im pet u ous. “ Why am I doing t h is?”
I backed u p t o w her e I could no lon ger see t he huge dr op wh ich await ed m e, an d
t hen, m y w hole body t r em blin g w it h ant icipat ion , I ran up t o t he edge, and h ur led m y self off t he br idge.
“ Do I h ave a deat h w ish? Will m y n ext conv ersat ion be w it h Elvis or Jim m y Hoff a?”
The fir st j u m p off t he br idge was like n ot hing I h ad ev er experienced. I do not h ave
a fascinat ion w it h deat h, an d I do not display suicidal t en den cies, y et I lov ed
t hr ow ing m y self off t hat br idge, despit e t he obj ect ion s of t he logical par t of m y brain .
St anding u p t her e, I recalled fr om phy sics t hat I shou ld be pu lled t ow ard t he ear t h
w it h an accelerat ion of 9. 8m / s/ s. G- for ces m eant n ot h ing t o m e on ce I st epped off
t he edge of t he br idge, t hough. I f elt like I w as in t h e air f or an et er nit y ( alt hough I
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
was act ually only in t he air for about t hr ee seconds) .
This leap w as at on ce t he m ost fr igh t ening an d m ost ex hilar at in g exper ience of m y
life. That syner gy of fear and excit em ent br ought about a u niqu e k ind of euphor ia.
Jum ping of f and f eeling t h e gr ou nd fall ou t fr om u ndern eat h m e w as in cr edible. I
have r ock- clim bed an d r appelled ex t ensiv ely, bu t t hose ex per iences cann ot
com par e, eit her in fear or in t hr ill, t o j um ping of f a br idge.
Once I conquer ed m y in it ial f ear and j um ped off, I did it again and again , alw ays
sear chin g for t hat t ingling sensat ion w hich ran t hr ough m y lim bs t he fir st t im e I did
it , but n ever qu it e r ecapt ur in g t he ast on ish ing bliss of t hat fir st j um p. I hav e j u m ped
m any t im es since t hat fir st t im e, and all of m y j um ps have been fun , but none can
qu it e m at ch t hat fir st leap. Th e t hr ill of t hat fir st j um p, t hat elusiv e rapt ur e, w as on e
of t he gr eat est feelings of m y lif e.
“ Wow, I can’t believ e I did t hat ! ”
When I j um ped off t hat br idge, I was hav ing fu n, but I w as also r ebelling. I w as
m ak ing am ends for ever y t im e I did t he logical t hing inst ead of t he fu n t hin g, ever y
t im e I opt ed for t he least dangerous rou t e t hr ough out m y life. I w as r ising up and
doing som et hing blissf ully bad, som et hin g im pet uous. I w as act ing w it hou t t hink ing
of t he ram ificat ion s, and it w as liberat ing. My w hole lif e, it seem ed, h ad been liv ed
w it hin t he const rict ive bou ndar ies of logical t hought . I ov erst epped t hose
boundar ies w hen I j um ped. I fr eed m y self f rom t he bonds of logic and r eason, if for
only a few seconds, and t hat w as im por t ant . ANALYSI S
I n t his essay, Sohn pr esen t s a capt iv at in g n arr at iv e of an ex perience t hat has
signif ican t ly shaped his at t it udes and out look on life. I n or der for t his nar rat ive f or m
t o be successful, t he w r it er m ust use descr ipt iv e language t o set t h e scene and
t ranspor t t he r eader t o t he locat ion an d ev en in t o t he t hought pr ocess of t he
nar rat or. Soh n does t his r em ar k ably w ell. The r eader can env ision t h e railr oad
t r est le upon w hich he st ands and even feel t he w eight lessness of his free- fall t hank s
t o clear, descr ipt iv e lan gu age. Sohn uses a m at ur e v ocabular y and incor por at es an
int er nal dialogue t o aid t he flow of his essay successfully.
The inev it able goal of su ch a for m at is f or t he w r it er t o conv ey som et h ing abou t h is
or her per sonalit y or indiv idu al qualit ies t o t he r eader. I n t his case, Sohn w ant ed t h e
reader t o know about his fr eew heeling side; his abilit y t o t ake r isks, defy logic, and
exper ience danger. The conclusion is also a par t icular st r engt h of t his essay. Sohn
t ak es t h e isolat ed event h e has described so w ell and applies it t o a br oader schem e,
sh ow ing t he r eader j ust h ow t his event w as t r uly sign ificant t o h is life
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! “H ist or y” “ Hist or y” - - by Dan iel Dr oller
The day had been goin g slow ly. On ot her days I had been m or e successful in m y
research on t h e con nect ion bet w een Sw it zerlan d and Nazi gold. How ev er, t oday I
hadn’t fou nd any t hing su bst ant ial yet . I couldn’t st op m yself fr om look ing at m y
wat ch t o see if a t im e had com e w hen I could t ak e t he shu t t le back t o Washin gt on.
Josh, t h e ot h er int ern , had been lu ck ier. He h ad fou nd a new piece of inf or m at ion
dealing w it h Herm an Goer ing. Lik e ot her in for m at ion w e h ad u ncov ered at t he
Nat ional Archiv es 2 , it cou ld be ex t r em ely im por t ant for t he Senat e Bank ing
Com m it t ee, or j ust a w idely know f act wit h w hich w e w ou ld be w ast ing our
su per visor’s t im e. At any rat e, h e flagged it for copy in g an d k ept on searching h is box .
I finished m y box of f iles, checked m y w at ch again, and decided t hat I could search
t hr ough one m or e box befor e I h ad t o t ak e t h e hour- lon g bus r ide back. The gr oup
of r ecor ds on t h e nex t cart w as m ark ed “ Top Secr et I n t ercept ed Messages fr om t he
U.S. Milit ar y At t aché in Bern e, Sw it zerland, t o t he War Depar t m en t in Wash ingt on
D.C.” Follow ing t he Archiv es’ pr ocedur es, I t ook one box off of t he cart , t hen one
folder ou t of t he box , pu t t he box in t he m iddle of t h e t able, and st art ed look ing
t hr ough docum ent s in t h e folder.
I n t his folder t her e was one docum en t t hat caught m y eye. I t was dat ed “ 23
Febr uar y 1945 ” an d cont ain ed infor m at ion sent t o Wash ingt on on bom bings of t he
pr ev ious day. Many of t he docum ent s I h ad gone t hr ough had r ecount ed bat t les and
bom bings as w ell as t h e ar eas affect ed by t h ese. What w as dif fer ent about t his
docu m ent w as t hat t he cit ies list ed as being bom bed w ere Sw iss cit ies. This w as
ver y st range becau se Sw it zerland w as a n eut ral count r y and it s cit ies shouldn’t hav e
been bom bed. I recognized t he nam es of m any of t he cit ies t hat w er e m ent ioned in
t he m essage, since I h ad gone t o visit t hese w hen I had v isit ed m y m ot her ’s fam ily
in Sw it zer land. Th ey w ere list ed as follow s:
B- 17 ’s. Fight er s at 124 0 m achin e0gu nned m ilit ary post n ear Lohn n ort h of Scahff hausen . 3 w ounded.
At 1 235 St ein on Rhin e bom bed. 7 dead. 16 w oun ded. 3 childr en m issing.
Abou t h alfway t hr ough t he list I saw t he f ollow in g:
At 1 345 BB- 17 ’s bom bed Rafz. 8 dead, hou ses dest roy ed.
I w as shocked. My m ot h er is f rom Raf z, and m ost of h er f am ily st ill lives t her e. Even
m or e dist ur bin g w as t he dat e of t he m essage. My m ot her w ou ld hav e been only four year s old.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
“ Josh, y ou’ll n ever guess w hat I j ust f ound! The t ow n w here m y Mom gr ew u p w as
bom bed. She w as . .. fou r y ears old! This is so w eir d!”
“ Yeah, t hat is pr et t y w eir d.” Obv iously, Josh wasn ’t as ent husiast ic as I was.
I st ayed unt il t he last shu t t le at 6: 00 t o go t hr ough t h e r est of t h e boxes on t he cart ,
bu t didn’t find any t hing near ly as good. I r eally couldn ’t believ e it , m y Mom had
never m ent ioned any t hing abou t a bom bing, and I assum ed t hat she didn’t
rem em ber it . This m ade m e ev en m or e excit ed because I had u ncov er ed a piece of
m y hist or y. I couldn’t w ait t o call h om e t h at night .
When I got t o t he dor m , I said “ h i” t o a few of t he ballerinas and ot her in t er ns I h ad
m et t hat sum m er, and ran up t o m y room . As soon as I got in, I picked u p t he ph one and called h om e. “ Yallo?” “ Hey, Mom s!”
“ Hi, Daniel. How was w or k? Did y ou find any t hing for Alfonse?”
“ Not really, Mom s, but …”
“ How ar e t he ballerinas?”
“ Fine, but Mom s. List en. What do you r em em ber abou t Febr uar y 2 2, 1 945?”
Ther e w as slight hesit at ion on her end of t he lin e. I t w as on ly for a few seconds, but
I t hought t hat I h ad st um ped her. She w as only f our y ears old at t he t im e of t he
bom bing; sh e shouldn ’t rem em ber. But in a few seconds she spok e. The j ov ial
m anner of befor e had been r eplaced by one solem nit y. She had r em em bered.
“ That w as t he day t h e Am er icans bom bed Rafz.” ANALYSI S
“ Hist or y” is abou t t he discov ery of one’s past . Dr oller descr ibes h is fin dings of a
sm all, y et sign ificant , piece of hist or y concerning his m ot her. Th e r eader is not given
a com plet e pict ur e of t h e applicant ’s backgr ound. I nst ead, t he essay succeeds in
rev ealin g one per son al an d m eaningfu l m om en t in Dr oller ’s life t hat w ould ot her w ise
not h ave been capt ur ed by t he r est of h is applicat ion.
Thr ough his essay, Droller descr ibes h ow he accident ally cam e across a par t of his
hist or y. Wh at m ost st ands out is t he shock an d sur pr ise t hat he feels w it h h is
new fou nd in for m at ion. While Dr oller does t ell us out r igh t about h is excit em ent , “ I
had uncovered a piece of m y hist or y,” he also illu st rat es his ent hu siasm wit h t h e
descr ipt ion of his t elephon e conv ersat ion an d his im pat ience t o r eveal his fin din gs.
This leaves t he r eader w ant in g t o lear n m or e about t he det ails of t he bom bing an d
how it aff ect ed his fam ily.
The essay’s for m could, h owev er, be m ade st r onger. Despit e t he defining m om ent
found at t he v ery end of t he essay, t he opening h as lit t le dir ect ion. Ther e isn’t m uch
indicat ion as t o t he m ain point of t he essay. A r eader w ould pr obably be m or e
int er est ed in t he det ails sur roun din g t he bom bing, sh eddin g m ore light on t he
relat ionship bet ween m ot her and son. We ar e not show n how t his discover y af fect ed
t h eir relat ion sh ip or if Dr oller now t hin ks differ ent ly about his m ot h er based on w hat
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
sh e w ent t hr ough dur ing her ch ildhood. A det ailed account of t he aut h or ’s
int eract ions w it h his m ot her, an d his k now ledge of h is m ot h er ’s childh ood, m ight
have m ade t he fin al r ealizat ion abou t t he bom bing m or e em ot ional and r ev ealing
about Droller ’s char act er.
“To Soa r , Fr ee ” “ To Soar, Fr ee” - - by Van essa G. Henk e
A cold, blu st er y w int er st or m swept m y gr andpar ent s and I int o t he war m t h of m y
aunt ’s liv ing room , w her e she was h ost ing h er t radit ional Chr ist m as Ev e par t y. My
hat an d cape w ere t aken fr om m e, r ev ealing t he Vict or ian par t y dr ess, w hich had
been design ed and pain st akingly t ailor ed j ust f or m e. The m usic lift ed m e, and ch ills
su rged t h rough m y body. I w as ent hralled, ecst at ic w it h t h e pow er of t he or ch est r a.
My ex cit em ent m ount ed as I r ealized t hat , for a few br ief m om ent s, t he audience at
t he openin g night of The Nut cracker at New York Cit y ’s Lincoln Cent er w as focusing
on m y per for m ance. At n ine y ears old, t h is was m y long- aw ait ed debut . Any v est ige
of uncert aint y about m y per for m ance had dissipat ed. I w as t ransfor m ed fr om a shy
young gir l int o a confident per for m er.
Ov er t he y ears, as m y t echn iqu e im pr oved and I spent increasing am ount s of t im e
each week pract icing and per for m ing, I lear ned t o valu e t he discipline r equ ired of a
pr ofessional. Wit h out so m any hour s dedicat ed t o pract ice, I w ould n ever have been
able t o execu t e pow erf ul leaps across t he st age in per for m ance. I n class, or on st age,
t he m u sic w ou ld pulse t hr ough ever y fiber of m y being, m y body r eson at ing t o ever y
not e of t h e scor e. I discover ed t hat disciplin e an d dedicat ion gav e m e t he confidence
necessar y for m e t o r efin e m y t echn ique and st y le, an d t o f ulfill m y pot ent ial an d
dr eam – t o dance like anot her inst r um ent in t he or chest ra.
This past sum m er, I t aught ballet and chor eographed dance at Buck’s Rock Cam p for
t he Creat iv e an d Per for m in g Art s. Ther e, I discov er ed t hat fulfillm en t can com e n ot
only fr om soar ing acr oss t h e st age, but by com m unicat ing w hat I have lear ned t o
ot her s. I em ulat ed t he good t echniques of m y best t eachers, so t hat m y student s
could find pleasur e in dance. For m y m or e advanced st udent s, I offer ed
w ell- deserv ed pr aise an d h elped t hem t o r efine t heir skills. For st udent s w it h less
exper ience, I t r ied t o fost er self- con fidence an d creat e an env ir onm ent in w hich
t hey could lear n, ask qu est ions and m ak e m ist akes w it hou t feeling asham ed. The
rew ards for m y effort s w ere t he st udent s’ im pr ov ed self- confiden ce an d sk ills.
The disciplin e I lear ned dur in g m y five y ears w it h t h e New Yor k Cit y Ballet helped m e
under st and t hat w it h fr eedom com es r esponsibilit y. Wh en I perfor m ed at Lincoln
Cent er, I dan ced across t he st age, f ree, because of t h e hour s of pr eparat ion an d
t h ought fu l consider at ion I pu t int o plan ning classes an d r ehear sals, inspir ing
st udent s t o be t h eir best . I now have a gr eat er appr eciat ion for t he value of m y
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
exper iences as a per for m er, I am a m ore fu lfilled per son and I f eel conf iden t and
ent husiast ic about fut ure endeavor s. I w ill con t inue t o soar, fr ee. ANALYSI S
I n her essay, t he aut h or of “ To Soar, Fr ee” dem onst rat es an u nder st andin g t hat if an
essay about a “ significant ex per ience or achiev em ent ” is t o be successful, it m ust
dist inguish it self fr om a pack of sur ely sim ilar essay t opics. Alt hough t he aut hor ’s
ch osen t opic is not all t hat differ ent t h an w r it ing about play ing spor t s or per for m ing
ot h er t y pes of ar t , t h is essay st an ds out . The aut hor gracefully h ighligh t s t h e
per sonal im por t ance of per for m ing an d t eaching ballet , u sin g h er pr ogr ession in t he
art t o r eflect her personal and phy sical gr ow t h. Begin ning w it h a childhood m em or y
about h er fir st ballet per for m ance, t h e aut hor begin s t o paint a pict ur e for t he r eader
of j ust h ow dan ce has in fluenced her life. From t her e, t h e r eader get s a sen se of t he
increasing sign ificance of t his act iv it y, t o t he point w her e he or she lear ns t hat t his
lov e for ballet h as inspir ed t h e aut h or t o inst r uct ot her s in h er ar t f or m . I n h er f inal
par agraph, t he essay ist closes w it h general conclusions about t he lessons sh e learn ed t hr ough dance.
By beginning her passage w it h an anecdot e about h er fir st m aj or ballet per for m ance, t he aut hor dist ances her piece fr om a m ore st raigh t for w ard
“ w hat - dancing- m eans- t o- m e” essay. I n st ead of spelling ou t t he r eason ing behind
her lov e of ballet , t he aut hor encourages t he r eader t o cont inue r eading. Not un t il
t he end of t h e four t h sent ence does h e or sh e k now w hat exact ly has been causing
t h e chills and ex cit em en t t hat t h e au t h or illu st rat es so w ell in t h e open ing sent ences.
Wit h a set t ing firm ly est ablished, t h e aut hor is t h en f ree t o proceed w it h her
nar rat iv e. The r eader obser v es t he aut h or ’s love of dan ce gr ew m or e int ense as she
got older and becam e m ore serious abou t t his act ivit y. Moreover, in t he t h ird
par agraph, t he au t hor in t r odu ces an int er est ing t wist t o t he essay, as she chr on icles
her ex periences on t he ot h er side of dance, as a ballet t eacher at a sum m er cam p.
This com plicat ion w or ks w ell at illu m in at in g t he w ay in w hich t he au t hor learn s t o
see t hat ballet can of fer m or e fu lfillm en t t han j ust t hat fr om t h e t hr ill of per for m ance.
Alt hough t his essay is effect iv e at h igh light in g t he m any w ay s in w h ich ballet has
affect ed t he aut h or ’s lif e, it lack s flow and does not efficient ly link it s v aried poin t s
and ideas. The connect ion bet w een t he second an d t hir d par agraphs is especially
abr upt . This spot is an ideal j u nct ur e t o suggest t h e m any w ay s in w hich dan ce –
aside f rom it s dir ect per for m an ce an d pract ice – h as influ enced h er life. Especially in
essays about significant per sonal exper iences or achievem ent s, it is ext r em ely
im por t ant t o m ake effect iv e u se of t ransit ional phrases an d w or ds t o conn ect t h e
indiv idu al point s w it h t he ov erall t h em e. Be t hat as it m ay, af t er com piling a solid
essay w it h uniqu e per spect ives an d dim ensions, t h e aut hor subt ract s fr om h er piece
by of fering clich éd conclusion s in t he final par agraph t hat ar e easy t o in cor porat e
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
int o any essay of t h is for m . Th e challenge is t o iden t ify and h igh light conclusions unique t o t he sit uat ion.
“One H u ndr e d Pa ir s of Eye s”
“ One Hundr ed Pair s of Ey es” - - by Pat r icia M. Glynn
Awar eness. An awar eness t hat all ey es fr om one hun dr ed yar ds of gr een grass ar e
focused on a cert ain point in space is w hat dr ives t hr ough m y t hou ght s as I st and
poised. These ey es disregar d t h e per iph eral chat t er of spect at or s, t he cold w ind
w hist lin g in t he nigh t air ar ou nd t hem , and t he har shn ess of t he w hit e ligh t s ov er t he
field. They focus only on t his one spot befor e m y hands and, t o begin t heir show,
t h ey w ait for a sim ple m ot ion, a m er e flick of t he w r ist . As a t inglin g sensat ion ar ises
in m y f inger t ips, I lif t m y han ds in pr epar at ion . On e hu ndr ed pair s of ey es br eat h e
in un ison across t he hu ndr ed yar ds, and m y h ands descend in a pract iced pat t er n
t ow ard t hat one point in space. I t is t hat point wher e t h e hun dr ed pair s of ey es
release t heir br eat h in t o t heir var iou s in st ru m ent s, w her e t h e m usic is creat ed, and w her e t h e show begin s.
This exper ience is one t h at I get t o relive ev er y Friday night w hile condu ct ing t he
Ply m ou t h High School m ar ch ing ban d in it s w eekly half- t im e per for m ance for t he
foot ball f ans. While I hav e per for m ed as one of t he pair s of ey es, as conduct or and
Senior Dr um m aj or I feel a gr eat er par t of t he show t han I ev er did before. I feel
ever y not e and ev ery phrase of m usic fr om ev ery inst r um ent , and I pull ev en m or e
m usic fr om t hose in st r um en t s. Th eir int ensit y is spar ked f rom m y int ensit y, and
m in e bu ilds on t heir s. Th e in t en sit y is not only f rom t he m u sic; it com es from t he
eyes. I t ’s m y eyes scanning t h e field, scout ing for pr oblem s, and br oker ing
confidence t hat com m and an in t ensit y in r esponse. Th is is t he gr eat est feelin g in t he w orld.
As m y m ot ions becom e lar ger and lar ger and m y left h and pu shes u pw ard, I dem an d
volum e f rom t he band w h ile it crescendos t ow ard it s f inal n ot es. Buildin g v olu m e
and dr ive, t h is m usic sends a t ingling sensat ion f rom m y finger t ips t h rou gh m y
w rist s and pulsing t hr ough m y body. My shoulder s ache but keep dr iv ing t h e beat ,
and m y em ot ions ar e key ed up. As t he brass builds an d t he band snaps t o at t ent ion
in t he last pict ur e of t h e show, t he per cussion line pushes t he m usic w it h a dr iv ing
hit . Mu sicians and conduct or alike clim ax w it h t he m usic u nt il r eaching t hat sam e
inst ant in t im e. Wit h a r igor ous closing of m y fist s, t h e m usic st ops, but t he ey es
hold t heir focus, in st r um ent s poised, unt il a sm ile st r et ch es across m y face and m y
feat ur es r elax, t in glin g w it h pent u p em ot ion . Applause.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything! ANALYSI S
An essay t h at asks for discussion of an im port ant ext racur r icular act iv it y m ay be j u st
t h e place f or an applicant t o discu ss in gr eat er det ail w hy par t icipat in g in st udent
gov er nm ent m akes his or her w or ld go’ rou nd. But as in t his case, t he essay m ay
also of fer an oppor t unit y f or an applicant t o fu rt her describe a uniqu e or
un conv ent ional in t er est . “ One Hun dr ed Pair s of Ey es” det ails t he au t h or ’s
exper iences as con duct or of her high school foot ball band – a posit ion t hat on paper
m ay not carr y m uch w eigh t , despit e it s m any r espon sibilit ies. Th rou gh h er
descr ipt ion of leadin g one h un dred m u sicians in t he com plex it ies of a h alf- t im e show,
t he r eader gains un ique insight int o being at t he helm of a m ar chin g band – a
posit ion f rom w hich f ew people have observ ed t he per spect ive.
The aut hor begins h er essays w it h r ich descr ipt ion –sh e is t he poin t of focus for on e
hundr ed set s of ey es. By personify in g t he eyes, t h e aut hor paint s a m ar v elous
pict ur e of t he scene. The r eader can alm ost sense t he posit ion f rom w hich she m ust
be st andin g and t he enor m it y of t h e gr oup at her feet . Bu t he or sh e is l eft t o w on der
w hat sort of aw kw ar d sit uat ion m ay be causing t his un ique scenar io. Just as t he
aut h or cr eat es an int ense sensat ion of t ension in t he essay, t h e r eader t oo h olds his
or her br eat h in advance of t he ann ouncem ent t hat Gly nn is t he leader of a m ar chin g
ban d. As she cont inues, t he aut hor cont r ast s h er ex per iences as condu ct or w it h
t hose of being a per for m er, sheddin g light on t he ex hilarat ion of h oldin g t he gaze of
t he hun dr ed m usician s w ho look t o her for r hy t hm and t em po. And w it h descr ipt iv e
language in t he t h ir d paragraph, t h e aut hor encourages t he r eader t o pu sh onw ard,
t ow ard t he finale of bot h t he m usic and t he essay. Th e passage ends wit h an
im pr essive sense of r elief bot h f or t he band m em ber s and t he r eader. “The Lost Ga m e ” “ The Lost Gam e” - - by St ephanie A. St uar t
When I w as lit t le m y f at her used t o play a gam e w it h m e dr iv in g h om e. I t s m ain
su bst ance was som et hing like t his: he w ould say, oh no, I seem t o be lost ; how sh all
w e get hom e? And t hen he w ould ask , wh ich w ay? Gleefu lly, I wou ld cran e m y n eck
abov e t he seat ; accor din g t o t h e gam e, his befuddlem ent w as hopeless, an d I alone
as nav igat or could br ing us hom e. No doubt I seem ed cont rar y as I dir ect ed him
fur t her and fur t her dow n back st r eet s, but m y secr et in cent iv e w as explor at ion. As
a sm all child t her e is v er y lit t le one can cont r ol in one’s w or ld; t o h ave cont r ol ov er
an ent ire gr ow n- up – not t o m ent ion a w hole car – w as t r em endously appealing. The
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real allur e, t h ough, w as in going t he “ w r on g” w ay – as soon as w e t ur ned left w her e
w e usually t ur ned r igh t , t he w or ld was so bran d new it m igh t have on ly appear ed t he
m om ent w e r oun ded t h e corn er. My hear t w ould beat below m y t h roat as I gav e t he
dir ect ion t o t ur n, st r et chin g m y neck fr om m y place in t he backseat , eager and
afraid: suppose I did really get us lost ? Th e secr et desire t o discov er alway s won out
ov er t he fear, but I can st ill r ecall t he f lut t er of m y h eart on t he in side of m y r ibs as
I nav igat ed t h e r ou ndabout connect ions w hich was as m y st eriou s as t he Nort hw est
Passage, lone lin k bet w een t he cu l- de- sacs.
Ex plorat ion w as a quest I t ook t o hear t ; alon e, I would set out on ex pedit ions in t o
our back yar d, or dow n t h e st r eet , creat ing a m ent al m ap concent r ic t o our door st ep.
Discov ery bloom ed m agical for m e; m ar ked on t h e m ap w er e t he locat ions of
aban don ed t ree houses, bell= blu e f low ers and plant s w it h flat pow dery leaves t he size of silver dollar s.
The ot h er nigh t it fell t o m y br ot h er and m e t o r et u rn a m ovie. Aft er w e lef t it on t he
count er, t hough, our sense of advent ur e got t h e bet t er of us. Oh dear, I said, I
seem ed t o be lost . Where shall I go? Eager t o discov er t he t ow n w hich sm older ed at
one o’clock under t h e oran ge an d v iolet of sodium st r eet lam ps, he chose t he r oad
less t rav eled, at least by our w heels.
We w ound in t o t h e pin e for est in t he dead of nigh t ; m oonligh t feel eerie across our
laps, st iat ed by t r ee t r unk s. I crest ed a h ill slow ly : Mont er ey spr ead in a light ed gr id
below us, dow n t o t he dark ening sea.
Abov e, t he Milky Way sprang apar t an d arched lik e a dan ce. I an gled m y ear for a
m om ent t o Gat sby ’s t unin g for k , t hat pur e, en t icing t one t h at echoes f rom t he
sph er es. Thin k , rem em ber, I w ished u pon h im , w h at it is t o ex plor e, and t he
explor er ’s incent iv e: discov ery.
“ Wh ich w ay?” I asked him , and he gr inned slowly, m oonlight glint ing far - of f m ischief
in h is ey es. The st r eet s spr ead or t hogon al befor e us; t h e pu re r ealm of possibilit y opened fr om t hem .
“ St raight ahead,” he said, and I sm iled. ANALYSI S
St eph anie’s essay falls int o t he life ex per iences cat egor y. How ever, rat her t han
focusing on a signle life- changing ex per ience, St ephanie sh ow s h er appr oach
t ow ar d per sonal discover y by r elat ing t he sot r y of r idin g in a car and chan gin g t h e
st andar d dir ect ions as a m eans of st um bling upon un explored w or lds. Th e essay is
w ell cont r olled – at no poin t does she st ray t ow war d ov erst at in g t he significance of
t h ese in div idu al ev ent s, bu t deft ly uses t hem as a t ool t o illu st rat e her
adv ent ur e- seekin g at t it u de t ow ar d life an d h er u nw illingness t o be sat isf ied wit h t he
rout ine. St ephanie f urt her h igh ligh t ed t he im por t ance of discover y w hen she
su bm it t ed t h e essay t o t h e adm issions off ice on U. S. Geological Su rv ey m aps – a t hough t ful t ouch.
The essay’s gr eat est asset is t he sense of per sonal dev elopm ent St ephan ie convey s.
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What begin s as a cut e st or y of her childhood is u sed w onder fully t o h ighligh t h er
per sonal dev elopm ent as she w rit es of a t enet in h er life: “ Thin k , r em em ber … w hat
it is t o explor e, and t he ex plor er ’s in cen t iv e: discover y.” St ephan ie avoids list in g h er
accom plishm en t s in a r esu m e put int o sent ence f orm , but st ill capt u res im por t an t
aspect s of h er iden t it y, n am ely her in qu isit iven ess. Th e essay is w ell- paced an d
calm , w it h a solid dev elopm ent fr om beginnin g t o end. St ephanie descr ibes sensor y
aspect s of her st ory ( “ flat , pow der y leaves t he size of silv er dollar s” ) w it h great w or d
ch oice w it hou t ov erdoing it . I t is clear t hat ever y w ord in t he essay w as carefu lly
ch osen t o accurat ely an d succint ly descr ibe her subj ect . Not only does h er essay
su ccessf ully paint a pict ur e of her as an curious lit t le child, it show s t hat t he sam e
inqu isit iven ess she exh ibit ed t hen she st ill possesses, n ow coupled w it h m or e
respon sibilit y, as she dr iv es h er br ot her and encourages h is in qu isit iv eness.
The biggest r isk in t his essay is t hat it does n ot adequat ely show case h er
accom plishm ent s, norm ally a st andar d par t of a college essay. Wh ile it w or ked f or
her, t his has m u ch t o do w it h t he ext raor din ary lev el of care she t ook in craft in g t he
essay; her diligence show s, and t h e essay is an in sigh t fu l, w ell- w r it t en , an d w ell- paced piece of work .
“W a r m H e ar t s a n d a Cold Gu n”
“ War m Hear t s and a Cold Gun” - - by Jam es A. Colber t
I f a six- foot - t all m an slinging a sem i- au t om at ic r if le had appr oached m e in
Greenf ield, I pr obably w ould hav e scr eam ed for h elp. How ev er, being in a f or eign
land, u nable ev en t o speak t h e nat iv e t ongue, m y opt ions of r ecour se w er e
signif ican t ly lim it ed. The loom ing creat u re, dr essed m ost ly in black , w it h shor t , dar k
hair, pr oceeded t o grasp m y r ight h and. As a sm ile fur t iv ely crept acr oss his face, he
m out hed, “ Tim e t o get on t he bus.”
“ Wh at ?” I ner vously spur t ed at t he cold w eapon befor e m e.
“ I ’m sor ry. I didn ’t in t r odu ce m y self,” he said. “ I ’m Ofir, you r counselor.”
Com plet ely un nerv ed, I hur r ied ont o t he bus t o be sur e t he gu n rem ained at h is side.
“ Did y ou k now one of our leader s is a gu y w it h a gu n?” I asked a gir l f rom
Ph iladelphia, sit t ing beside m e.
“ Wh at did you ex pect ? This is I srael, n ot New England.”
At t he end of m y j unior y ear I decided t o go t o I srael t o escape f rom t he st im ulat ing
bu t confin ing at m osph ere of Deer field Academ y. I year ned for a n ew envir onm ent
w her e I could m eet st udent s un like t he on es I k new, w here I could ex plor e a for eign
cu lt ur e, and wh ere I cou ld learn m or e about m y r eligion. The br ochur e fr om t he
Nesiya I nst it u t e had m ent ioned a “ creat iv e j ou rney ” feat ur ing hikes in t he deser t ,
w ork shops w it h pr om in ent I sraeli ar t ist s, dialogues bet w een Arabs and Jew s, and
discussion s on I sraeli cult ur e and Judaism , but nowh ere had it m ent ioned
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counselors w it h r ifles. I suddenly wondered if I had m ade t h e r ight decision.
Weeks lat er, sit t ing out side t he Bay it Va’gan You t h host el as t h e sun began t o sink in
t h e I sraeli sky, I sm iled w it h r eassuran ce. As I look ed u p f rom w r it ing in m y j our nal,
a group of m ist y clouds conver ged t o for m an opaqu e m ass. But t he in exorable sun
dem onst rat ed her t enacit y. One by one, golden arr ow s pier ced t he celest ial canopy
t o illum inat e t he lu sh , gr een valley bet w een Yad Vashem an d t he h ills of w est ern
Jeru salem . I could f eel h olin ess in t hose r ays of golden ligh t t hat radiat ed fr om t he
su n lik e spokes of a heavenly w heel.
That m om ent w as on e of t he m ost spir it ual of m y life. The n at u ral gran deu r of t he
sight seem ed t o br ing t oget her t he m ost m eanin gfu l exper iences of m y fiv e w eeks
in I srael: w at ching t he sunr ise ov er t he Red Sea, wading chest - deep t h rou gh a
st r eam in t he Golan Heigh t s, look ing u p at t he m y r iad st ars in t he desert sk y,
explor ing a cave in Negev, and clim bin g t he lim est one pr ecipice of Masada. These
nat u ral t em ples f ar surpassed any lim est one sanct uar y bu ilt by m an .
Shift ing m y gaze dow nwar ds, I not iced Ofir st andin g beside m e w it h his ey es fixed
on t he sacred valley. At age t w ent y- fiv e, his head w as alr eady baldin g, but t he
expr ession on his face, w it h his ey es st ret ched w ide and his j aws par t ed, r em inded
m e of a child st art ing w it h delight at a f ish in an aquar ium . For ov er a m inut e n eit her
of us spok e. That poignan t silen ce said m ore t h an a t housand w or ds could ever expr ess.
Bein g an em pir ical per son , I n eed confirm at ion, t o pr ove t o m y self t h at I under st ood.
Fin ally, I said t o Ofir, “ This is h olin ess.” His w eapon bounced as h e sw iveled t o look
m e in t he ey e. As h e nodded in affir m at ion, a beam of light t ranscended h is pupils t o
pr oduce a t ellin g spar k of corr oborat ion .
Em erson said in “ Nat ur e,” “ Th e su n illum inat es only t he ey e of m an, but sh ines int o
t he ey e and hear t of t h e child.” I car r ied an L. L. Bean backpack, an d Ofir carr ied an
Uzi, but t hat aft ern oon as t he su n w ar m ed ou r h eart s, w e w er e bot h childr en. ANALYSI S
The t opic of t his essay w or k s w ell becau se it convey s t he aut hor ’s per son al gr ow t h
fr om an ex perience unique t o m ost Am erican st udent s. His declar at ion of his
decision t o leav e t he at m osph ere of his boar din g school t o t rav el abr oad est ablishes
him as a stu dent w illing t o br oaden his hor izons and v ent ur e t o t he unk now n. Th e
init ial com par ison of I srael t o h is hom et ow n is t hought fu lly phrased an d ex pr esses his honest feelings.
The au t hor is ex t r em ely concise in t h is essay, descr ibing ever yt hin g t hat is
necessar y and leaving ou t u nnecessary det ails. His per son al v oice is evident . Rat her
t han giv e plain descr ipt ions of t he places h e v isit ed, t he au t hor recalls his personal
react ion t o seeing such places, t her efor e allow ing t h e r eader t o get t o k now t he
w rit er ’s ow n per spect iv e.
The dialogue in t his essay is also succin ct , bu t com plet e. The au t hor int egrat es ot her
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voices in h is essay because t hose v oices ar e par t of his exper ience abr oad. Fin ally,
t he closing qu ot e fr om Em er son’s “ Nat ur e” is w ell used and t ies t oget her w it h t he
poignan t im ager y of t h e cont rast ing L. L. Bean backpack and Uzi, leaving t he r eader
w it h a v ision of w hat t h e w r it er ex per ienced.
“I n t h e W a it in g Room ”
“ I n t he Wait ing Room ” By Carlin E. Wing
You w ill n ot t h ink , m y m ind fir m ly in for m ed m e; you ar e m u ch t oo busy bein g
ner vous t o t hink . I sat in t h e m ot her of all w ait ing r oom s. My pen t r av eled fr ant ically
acr oss t he pages of m y black book , r ecor din g ev ery det ail of t he r oom in fragm ent s
t hat passed for poet r y. I t r ied t o w r it e som et h ing deeply insigh t fu l abou t t he
pr ocedur e I w as abou t t o undergo but failed t o pr odu ce even an opening sent ence.
These w er e t he final m in ut es befor e m y h and w ould be separat ed f rom m y pen for
t en w eeks. Ev en if I could not t h ink , I n eeded t o w rit e. My ey es becam e m y pen and I w r ot e: Wait ing Room
The nam e dict at es t he at m ospher e
The w alls, paper ed in pr int ed beige,
Ar e dot t ed w it h past el pict ur e.
Tw o squ are colum ns int err upt t he r oom ,
At t ended by br ow n plast ic t r ash bin s.
An u ndecided carpet of gr een, black , gray, red, blu e
Mirr or s t he undecided feelings of t he occupant s.
And n one of t hese m ask t h e inevit able t en sion of t he space.
I paused and lift ed m y head t o st ar e at The Door t hat led t o m y fat e.
My fat e w as t o have w r ist sur ger y. Th ree y ears befor e, I had been t old t hat t he
fract ur e in m y w r ist w ould h eal. Earlier t his year, I w as again sit t ing in fr on t of X- r ays
and MRI result s list ening t o t h e doct or say t h at t h e old fract ur e had been an
indicat ion t hat t he ligam ent s and t endons w er e t or n. I could have declin ed t o have
su rger y and n ever played com pet it iv e squash again . I t was n ever an opt ion.
I am a j ock. My com pet it iv e per sonalit y finds a safe place t o r elease it self on a
playing field. My st r ongest m ot ivat ion is t he pr ospect of doing w hat n o one ex pect s
I can do. How ev er, t h e har dest com pet it ion I face is t hat of m y ow n ex pect at ions.
Squash allow s m e t o put t he per fectionist in m e t o good use. The beaut y of squash,
and spor t s in gen eral, is t hat I nev er r each an ant i- clim ax becau se t her e is alw ay s a
higher lev el t o r each for. Squ ash requir es a h ealt hy w rist . Sur ger y w ou ld m ak e m y
w rist healt hy. My im m ediat e r eact ion t o t h e doct or ’s w or ds w as “ Yes, I w ant sur gery.
How soon can it be done? How long unt il I can play squash again? Can I w at ch ?”
No on e u nder st ood t hat last par t . My par ent s j ok ingly t old t heir fr iends about m y
desire t o ob ser ve t he sur ger y, and t he doct or w as adam an t ly opposed t o t he idea.
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Bu t I h ad n ot been j ok ing. I t was m y w rist t hey w ere going t o be w or kin g on. I
t hough t t h at ent it led m e t o w at ch . Any how, I had n ever seen an operat ion and w as
fascinat ed by t h e idea of som eone being able t o sew a t endon back t oget her. I h ad
t h is im age of a doct or pu llin g ou t t he n eedle an d t hr ead and set t in g t o w or k ,
w hist ling. Per haps subconsciously I w ant ed t o super v ise t he operat ion, t o m ake
su re t hat all t h e lit t le pieces w er e sewn back int o t h e r ight places ( adm it t edly n ot a
ver y rat ional t hou ght since I w ouldn’t k now by sight if t h ey w er e sewing t hem
t oget h er or t earin g t hem apar t ) . I u nder st ood t he doct or ’s f ear t h at I w ou ld panic
and m ess up t he operat ion . St ill, I w ant ed t o wat ch. I felt it w ould giv e m e a degr ee
of con t r ol ov er t h is inj u r y t h at h ad com e t o d om in at e m y lif e w it h out per m ission.
Unfor t unat ely, t h e fin al decision w as not m ine t o m ak e and t he su rger y w as t o go
unr ecor ded by m y eyes, lost in t he m em or ies of doct or s w ho per for m t hese operat ions daily.
The Door opened and I look ed u p, t inglin g w it h hope and appr ehension. I n r esponse
t o t he nu r se’s call a fragile elder ly lady in a cashm ere sweat er and flow ered scar f
was w heeled t ow ards The Door by her son. As she passed m e I ov erh eard her say,
“ Let ’s r ock and r oll.” Th e w or ds echoed in m y ear s and penet rat ed m y hear t . As I
wat ch ed her disappear bey ond The Door, I silent ly t han ked her for t h e sudden dose
of courage she had u nk now ingly inj ect ed in m e. I f she could do it , I could do it . I was
next and befor e t oo long I was ly ing on a gur ney in a room filled w it h doct ors. I t old
t he an est h esiologist t h at I did not want t o be put t o sleep, even t hough a curt ain hid
t he act ual operat ion fr om m y sight . I said “ Hi” t o Dr. Melon e an , as t he operat ion
began, sang cont ent edly along w it h t h e Blues Brot her s. ANALYSI S
Chr onicling an int im at e m om ent or ot h er per sonal ex per ience r equir es par t icular
at t ent ion and car e in t he essay- w rit ing pr ocess. An au t hor m u st be conscious t hat
he or she creat es an appr opr iat e sense of balance t hat at once capt ur es t h e r eader
w hile allow ing f or a sense of gen uine per sonal r eflect ion t o show t hr ough. To be sur e,
t he r isk of t ur ning t he reader off w it h over ly per sonal det ails or un necessarily deep
conclusions is a const ant t h reat . How ever, “ I n t he Wait in g Room ” r eflect s a
su ccessf ul at t em pt at conv incing t he r eader t h at t he au t hor ’s w r ist sur ger y m erit s
his or her at t ent ion. Alt hough un focused, t his w ork dem on st rat es t hat an essay
about an ot h erw ise insign ificant t opic can in f act be insight f ul an d ev en t ouching.
By est ablishing a st ron g sense of t ension at t he beginnin g of t he essay, “ I n t he
Wait ing Room ” succeeds w her e ot h er per sonal r eflect ion w ork s of t en falt er. Th e
aut h or does n ot begin w it h a t opic sent ence or ot her device t hat st at es t he essay’s
point r ight aw ay. To do so in t his sort of essay w ould be t o m ak e t he piece t oo m uch
lik e a “ w hat - I - did- last- su m m er ” n arr at iv e. I nst ead, t h e reader is k ept in suspense
unt il t he second paragraph of t h e piece of t h at w hich is causing t he au t h or ’s angst .
Only t hen does t he au t hor spell out t hat it is h is im pendin g wr ist sur ger y – an d n ot
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a shot or t est r esu lt s – w hich has caused such gr eat an xiet y. As t h e essay cont inues,
t he au t hor uses t h e occasion of wait in g for t he sur ger y t o r eflect on m any of his
com plem en t ar y at t r ibut es: w rit er, at h let e, cow ard an d st oic. Overall, t he w r it in g is clear and un pr et ent iou s.
Yet in illust rat ing h is m u lt iple r oles, t he au t hor t ends t o lose f ocu s of t he essay’s
overall point . Wher e it seem s like t he aut h or port rays h im self as an av id wr it er f rom
t he flow of t he f irst paragraph, t he r eader is sur pr ised t o learn t hat t he aut hor is
act ually a self- descr ibed “ j ock” w ho play s squ ash. Bef ore r et u rn ing t o t h e t opic of
t he operat ion, t he aut hor t ak es anot her m om ent t o r eflect on h is m ot iv at ion f or
par t icipat in g in spor t s. The essay loses significant st eam and r egains it only w it h t he
announ cem ent t hat t he aut hor hopes t o obser v e h is ow n sur ger y. Wh ile in t er est in g
independent ly, t h ese com plicat ion s dist ract fr om t he ov erall point . An essayist m ust
be aw ar e of t h e n eed t o ensur e t hat t he flow of w r it ing m aint ain s a defin it e sense of
dir ect ion – and doesn’t m eander t oo far fr om t h at pat h .
“M y Re spon sibilit y” “ My Responsibilit y ” - - by Dav id J. Brigh t
When she h ung up t h e phone, she im m ediat ely bur st int o t ear s and grabbed ou t in
all dir ect ions for som et hing t o hold ont o as she san k t o t he floor. I st ood t her e
m ot ion less, not k n ow ing w hat t o do, n ot k now ing w hat t o say, not even k n ow ing
w hat had happened. I t w asn’t u nt il I an sw er ed t h e door m om ent s lat er and saw t he
police off icer s st andin g in t he alcove t hat I f inally discov ered w hat had t ak en place.
My f ift een- y ear- old br ot her had been ar rest ed. I t w as on ly t en day s befor e
Chr ist m as, a y ear ago t oday wh en it happened, bu t st ill I r em em ber it lik e yest er day.
Rober t had alw ay s been a ram bunct ious as a child – w ild and liv ely, as m y m om
alw ay s said. He w as const an t ly j ok ing arou nd, play in g pran k s, and causing m ay hem ,
bu t his engagin g per sonalit y and sm all st at ur e alw ays seem ed t o sav e him fr om t he
fir ing line. This gave him t he not ion t hat h e could cause any am oun t of t r ouble
w it hou t feeling t he r epercussions. As a y oun gst er gr ow ing up in I reland, h e h ad
found few oppor t unit ies t o get in t o a gr eat deal of t r ouble. But four year s ago at t he
age of t w elv e, t he r ules chan ged for him w hen h e, m y m ot her and I m oved t o Am er ica.
The sam e shor t st at ur e t h at had been his ally in I reland w as n ow Rober t ’s enem y in
Am erica. He w as bu llied an d beat en on a daily basis. Since I couldn’t be t her e all t he
t im e, Rober t sou ght t he pr ot ect ion f rom ot h ers. By t h e end of h is fir st y ear in
Am erica, he had already j oined a gang.
His appearance det eriorat ed, per sonalit y disappear ed, and aggr essiveness
increased, leav ing him an an gr y, h ollow ed out , m an ic depr essive. Aft er a y ear or so,
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his f righ t eningly self- dest r uct iv e behav ior and t er rif ying appearance f orced m y
m om t o send him t o a su icide t r eat m ent cent er. Ther e he r eceiv ed r ound t he clock
at t ent ion, cou nselin g, and m edicat ion for his depr ession an d aggr essiveness. He
was r eleased aft er a couple of m on t hs.
Only a few shor t w eeks lat er, supposedly aft er m ix ing h is m edicat ion w it h alcohol,
he w ent out w it h his f riends t o go t o t he st or e. Th ere t hey r obbed, sh ot an d k illed a
st or e clerk Rober t , as an accom plice t o t he crim e, w as char ged wit h ar m ed r obbery and second degr ee m ur der.
Look ing back now, I r ealize not w hat Robert had done w rong, but w hat I h ad don e
w rong. I had t ak en no in t er est in h is w elf are, and I n ever int er vened w hen he
needed m e t o. I j ust sat back and let it all com e crashing dow n ar oun d m e. I t ’s in
t his respect t hat I guess I ’ve changed t h e m ost . I ’m n ow a m uch m or e involv ed
per son. I n o longer allow t hings t o j u st happen’ I m ust be a par t of every t h ing t hat
affect s m e. I ’m also a m or e caring an d bet t er per son. To m ak e up fr o w hat I did – or
rat h er, didn’t do – I look out for t h ose ar oun d m e, m y fam ily and m y fr iends. I act
lik e a big br ot her t o t hem t o com pensat e for not bein g any k ind of br ot her at all t o Rober t .
The ex per ience hasn’t only m ade m e bet t er. I n a st range way, it w as also t he best
t hin g t hat could have happened t o Rober t . He’s t ur ned h is life ar ound and is
pr esen t ly pr epar ing t o t ak e t he SATs in ant icipat ion t o go on t o college, som et h ing
t he old Robert w ould nev er have done.
I guess it ’s sort of w eir d, isn’t it . Such a dr eadf ul ex per ience can chan ge an ent ir e
fam ily ’s life, and h ow such a t ragic sit u at ion could give bir t h t o such gr eat t hings. ANALYSI S
Br ight ’s in t ensely per son al essay show s u s t h e posit iv e ou t com e of w hat seem s lik e
an ov er wh elm in gly negat iv e ex per ience, t h at is, t he ar rest of h is br ot h er. Thr ough
his t alk at iv e, in t im at e w rit ing st y le, Bright is able t o r each his r eader s becau se h e
does n ot t ake a sent im ent al or m oralist ic t on e. Th e st r engt h of t his essay lies in it s
hon est y and it s abilit y not on ly t o crit icize his br ot her, Rober t , f or h is t ransgr ession ,
bu t t o r epr im and t h e au t h or for his, as w ell. Wh at m ak es t his essay so unique is t hat
Br ight finds him self at fau lt and dem onst rat es his per sonal gr ow t h fr om his m ist akes,
unlik e m ost college essay s t hat ar e h igh ly self- adu lat ing in nat ur e. Thr ou gh
accurat ely assessing w her e he w ent w ron g by n ot act ing like a t r ue brot h er t o
Rober t , Brigh t ’s piece is m or e im pr essiv e t han m ost college essays.
Anot her gr eat st r engt h of Brigh t ’s essay is t he m at u rit y he displays by being able t o
t ake t he blam e f or h is br ot h er ’s dem ise. This is a charact erist ic of a t r ue big br ot her,
one w ho k now s how m u ch his siblin gs adm ir e an d r espect him , as w ell as value his
j u dgm ent . I nst ead of har shly repr oachin g Rober t for his crim e, Brigh t t ur ns t o
him self an d h ow h e “ had t ak en n o int er est in his [ Robert ’s] w elfar e.” Fur t h erm ore,
Br igh t illu st rat es h ow h e w as m at ur e enou gh t o lear n f rom h is er r or s an d im pr ov e
Plagiarism is severely punished!
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him self: “ I act like a big br ot her … t o com pensat e for n ot being any k ind of br ot h er
at all t o Robert .” Br ight is able t o see t hat t her e ar e posit ive aspect s of t his bad
exper ience an d t hen applies t hem t o h is life; he show s t o us t hat he is w illing t o
ch ange him self and m ake up for w hat he did not do for Rober t by becom ing “ a m u ch
m or e inv olv ed per son.” I n h is essay, m any aspect s of Bright shine t hr ough: his
m at ur it y and st r engt h, as w ell as his capacit y t o see a br ight silver lin ing on w hat
look s like a black t hunder cloud. Qualit ies such as t hese ar e ult im at ely t h e m ost
im por t ant in t er m s of m easur in g w h o on e is.
The only t hin g t hat Bright m igh t hav e added t o his essay is m or e of w hat h appened
t o Rober t . We lear n t h at Rober t was ar r est ed, and is n ow st udy ing for his SATs and
pr epar ing t o go t o college, but we ar e n ot t old w hat happened t o him bet w een h is
arr est and his self- im pr ov em ent . How did Robert decide t o t ur n his life ar oun d?
What challenges did he face? The second t o last paragraph m igh t need a lit t le m or e
det ail as t o how Rober t w ent t h rough t he pr ocess of becom ing w ho he is t oday. Yet ,
aside f rom t his one m inor com m ent , t he essay st ands on it s ow n – it j um ps ou t at
t he r eader f or it s u niqueness, for it s qu iet , y et pow er ful, per son al r evelat ion s. “The Line ” “ The Line” - - by Daniel B. Visel
“ Ther e is no chan ce,” w r ot e Ella Wheeler Wilcox, “ no dest iny, no fat e, t hat can
cir cum v ent or hin der or cont rol t h e fir m r esolve of a det er m ined soul.” Th ese w or ds
are fr om her poem “ Will,” a favor it e of m y Aunt May. Though Mr s. Wilcox’s w ords on
ch ance and dest iny n ever r eally caugh t m y ear w h en Aun t May r ead it t o m e so
m any t im es, t hose w or ds r esonat ed in m y head Decem ber 9, 19 94, a day t hat I w ill
never f orget . On t hat day, I st ood befor e Judge St anley Piv ner t o t est ify against m y
best fr iend, Wyat t . Th e w or kin gs of f at e ar e st range in deed: Wy at t and I had been
fr iends since k inder gar t en , w hen we went t o Suzuk i violin lessons t oget her. We had
been t he best of all possible fr iends in grade school, helped each ot her t hr ough t h e
t r oubled j unior high year s, and have r em ained close t hr ough h igh school. Ou r pat h s,
t hough , had led us in differ ent dir ect ions: I spent all m y t im e st udy ing for classes,
w hile he inv est ed t im e an d m oney in soapin g up his 19 86 Dodge Ram . College didn ’t
seem t he n ecessit y t o h im t hat it did for m e: Wyat t liv ed f or t he m om ent . Th e fu t ur e,
for him , w ould be dealt w it h w hen he cam e t o it .
Wyatt ’s crowd was a wild bunch. I was wary of t h em – t h ey did danger ous t hings.
Som ehow, I didn ’t associat e Wyat t w it h any of t his, t hought : he w as Wyat t , m y
fr iend, a kn ow n qu ant it y. I gu ess I had been t oo busy st udy ing t o n ot ice how m uch
he had changed. I t didn’t h it m e u nt il a Thur sday nigh t m y senior y ear = = t h e n ight
t h at Wy at t pu lled u p in his t r uck an d asked if I w as doin g any t hin g. I h ad finished m y
m at h h om ew ork for t he w eek, and had a good st ar t on a draft of t he t er m paper I
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
was w r it in g on Dut ch paint ers, so I said t hat I wasn’t . I got in t he t r uck w it h Wyat t ,
and w e h it t h e r oad, h eadin g t o Bar ber t on.
“ Why ar e w e going t o Bar ber t on?” I asked Wyat t .
“ I got a plan,” he r eplied, sou nding dar k . I not iced t h at t her e was a fu nny odor in t he
car – it sm elled lik e beer. Had Wy at t been dr ink ing? I w onder ed. I didn’t say
any t h ing, t hou gh; I didn’t w ant t o lose face in f ron t of som eon e I r espect ed. Ther e
was a pain ed silence in t he car as w e sped t ow ar ds Bar ber t on. As I k ept a fir m ey e
on t he r oad, m ak ing sur e t h at Wy at t w asn’t swer vin g or dr iv ing t oo fast , I
recollect ed t hat Friday w as t he day of t h e Barber t on f oot ball gam e.
We pu lled up in t h e lot of t he Barbert on high school. I rem ained silent . To t his day,
I w onder w hy I didn’t say som et hin g, w hy I couldn ’t fin d w or ds t o st op him . We got
out of t he t ru ck; Wyat t got a pair of lockcut t ers ou t fr om u nder h is seat , and I
follow ed him ar ou nd t he back of t he high sch ool. You could punct ur e t he silence w it h a st ilet t o.
I r ealized, t oo lat e, w hat was happening. Bar bert on w as our high school rival; ev ery
year, people fr om ou r school t alked abou t k idn apping t he Bar bert on m ascot , a m ale
baboon nam ed Heracles t hat t hey k ept in a shed behin d t he school. Nobody act u ally
did any t hin g abou t it , t hough . Wyat t , t hou gh, seem ed in t ent on changing t h at . I
follow ed dum bly, m y h eart heav y w it h angst .
“ Wyat t , t h is is lun acy,” I t old him . He said not hin g, on ly sm iled m enacingly. I could
sm ell t h e alcohol on h is br eat h. I didn’t k now w hat t o do; I f ollow ed h is dir ect ion s
w hen h e t old m e t o st and gu ard. Qu ickly and sk illf ully h e cut t he lock holdin g t he
door sh ut , t hen open ed t he door. I t w as pit ch- black in side t h e shed; Heracles w as
evident ly asleep. He called out t h e beast ’s nam e; som et hing st ir r ed inside, t her e
was a yaw n, and Heracles cam e sham blin g out . I h ad n ever seen t he m onkey befor e;
I w as sur pr ised at how fr iendly and well- m anner ed he w as. He scr ut in ized us,
look ing for som e kind of a handout I guess – how w as he t o k now w hat Wyat t had in
m ind? Wy at t w as im pr essed w it h Heracles’s fr ien dliness: h e t old m e t hat t h is was
going t o be easier t han w e had t hought . The m onkey good- n at ur edly follow ed us
back t o t he par kin g lot . Wit h a lit t le w or k, w e succeeded in get t ing him int o t he back
of t he pick up t r uck. Wyat t t h rew a t arp ov er h im , w e got in t he cab, an d w e st ar t ed
off, m y br ain f ull of an xiet y.
Her acles, t hough, didn ’t seem t o lik e t he back of t he t r uck t h at m uch. Som ehow, he
m anaged t o get out fr om under t he t ar p; w it h a boun d, he had j um ped fr om t he
t r uck t o t he par k ing lot . Som et hing t ripped in Wyat t r ight t hen; t o t his day, I ’m n ot
su re w hat it was. I suspect it was t h e alcohol.
You h ave t o draw t he lin e som ew here. On t hat day, w hat st ar t ed off as a sim ple hig h
school pran k w ent h orr ibly w r ong. I t ’s im por t ant t o su ppor t y our fr iends, but t her e
are som e t hings t hat are sim ply not allow ed – and r unning ov er a m onkey w it h a
pickup t r uck is one of t hem . Wyat t w as out of cont r ol t h at n igh t . Rage t ook h old of
him : he was no longer m y fr iend, he had sunk low er t han t h e ape crushed beneat h
t h e w heels of h is t r uck. And so, on a ch illy day in Decem ber, I f ound m y self on t h e
w it ness st and, forced t o bear w it ness against m y best fr iend. Ella Wh eeler Wilcox’s
w or ds cour sed t hr ough m y blood t h at day : fat e h ad t ak en t he pat hs of ou r liv es
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
apar t , but I w as det er m ined t o do w hat w as r ight . To follow t he t r ut h is a dif ficult
pat h: it r equ ir es det er m inat ion , a det erm inat ion t hat I did not h ave t he nigh t w e
dr ov e t o Bar ber t on. I learned som et hin g t hat nigh t . I t ’s a lesson t hat w ill st ay w it h m e m y wh ole life. ANALYSI S
Ev ery applicat ion, j u st as ev ery applicant , is u nique. Ever yon e h as a differ ent st or y
t o t ell. Th is applicant does a good j ob of t elling t he st or y of an exper ience t hat
ch anged h is life; alt h ough h is st or y is a bit longer t h an is usu al for an applicat ion, it
is generally t ight . Th e lan guage is som ew hat flow ery : t he n um ber of super fluou s
adj ect iv es and adv erbs could be cut dow n. Som e det ails m ight be t hough t of as
ext raneous. Nobody needs t o k now t hat t h e n am e of t he m ascot was Heracles, for
exam ple. Howev er, such det ails as t hese pu t a hu m an spin on t he essay ; t he r eader
has an easy t im e const r uct ing a m ent al pict ur e of t he applicant .
While t h is applicat ion h as a st r on g st or y, t he st r uct ur e w hich br in gs it t oget h er is
som ew hat w eak . Th e quot e, wh ile it m ay hav e deep per son al sign ificance t o t h e
aut hor, seem s lik e it could have been a r andom m ot iv at ion al quot e grabbed off t he
int er net . Though t h e au t hor t ries h ard t o in t egr at e it int o t he st or y, h e never r eally
su cceeds; it seem s, finally , ir relevant .
This essay shines in t hat it giv es t he r eader an idea of som e qu alit ies t hat w ould not
be br ough t out in t he r est of t h e applicat ion. Loyalt y, det er m in at ion, and h onor ar e
not vir t u es t h at can be ex hibit ed in a r esum e. The aut hor pr esent s a difficult
sit uat ion: t or n bet w een fr iendship and honesty, h e chooses t he lat t er. A few
qu est ions r em ain un answ ered. Wh ere is “ Wyat t ” now ? Why does t he aut hor ’s
resolut ion of pr inciples t ake so long t o com e abou t ? Nonet heless, Dan r em ain s a
post er boy for honest y, a v ir t ue colleges ar e all t oo h appy t o rally behin d.
“En t e r in g a Sh a de d W or ld ”
“ Ent ering a Shaded Wor ld” - - by Ezra S. Tessler
Ben din g m y h ead t o pass t hr ough t he low door w ay I blink ed deliberat ely, allow in g
m y ey es t o adj ust t o t he dim light of t he cav ernous r oom . Ev ery t h ing was a clouded
dr eam , one t h at you ar e un able t o disen t angle as it spin s t hr ough y our un con scious,
bu t w hich som ehow begin s t o un rav el an d becom e clear er on ly af t er y ou h ave
awak ened. As m y eyes adj ust ed t o t he dar k ness int o w hich I had j u st ent er ed, I
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
cau ght sight of t h e seat ed figu re illum inat ed by t he dim light . I w as un able t o t ell if
he w as m iles away in m y w or ld or in ches aw ay in a dist an t w or ld.
I appr oached t he dar k figur e, k now ing t h at his ey es had felt m y pr esence bu t w ere
occupied and could w ait t o m eet m y near ing figu re w it h a fam iliar face. Then, h e
raised his head slow ly fr om t he draw in g in his lap, his soft dar k ey es f ocu sin g on
m ine as h e gave a sligh t nod and a gent le sm ile, ackn owledging m e w it h a f ew
m uf fled wor ds in Spanish. I st udied t he f ace and not iced t he su bt le det ails. He w as
bar ely t h ir t y, bu t his f ace w as creased wit h lines of st r uggle, pr essed in t o a clay
m ask by m any h ard y ears. His dar k count enan ce t ran spor t ed m e t hr ough t im e t o a
place w her e I st ood in fr ont of a n oble Azt ec leader.
I had com e t o this land t o experience a differ ent cult ur e, t o lear n a for eign language,
and t o encoun t er n ew people. I h ad arr iv ed in his st udio lik e a blan k canvas: h e h ad
found it , st ret ch ed it , and pr epar ed it for t he t ransfor m at ion t hat w ould soon t ak e
place. Wit h a gent le h and h e had lift ed his paint br ush fr om h is palet t e, and
passionat ely sw eeping his br ush acr oss t h e canvas, he had creat ed a n ew
com posit ion in m e. He t hen carefu lly han ded m e t he n ew pain t ing, and w it h it , his
palet t e and pain t br ush, st ill holdin g t he paint he had u sed. I lef t cont ainin g t he
sh ades of h is w or ld and h olding t he t ools n eeded t o face m y w or ld.
His ey es shaded by m em or y., h e had t old m e w it h h um ble pr ide t he st or ies of h is
people. He had r ecount ed h is st r uggles h is fight ing in t he rev olu t ion, and his com bat
in t he count r y side of Chiapas. He h ad described t he oppr ession h e and his fam ily
had suffer ed f rom t he gov ernm ent , all w it h t he gent le br eeze of h ope blow ing t hr ough h is w or ds.
He had looked at m e one day as we bot h sat hunched over our sketchbooks, and
w hisper ed in his linger ing Spanish a single t hought : ev en if t h ings did not change,
even if his h ope w as not f ulfilled, he st ill had som et h ing t hat no gover nm ent could
t ake aw ay, som et hin g t hat w as h is ow n and w ou ld w it h er aw ay only af t er h e had
br eat h ed his last br eat h . His soul w as his, and he w ant ed t o sh are it t hr ou gh his art w or k.
My m ind f loat ed back int o t he cav e, w her e it blin ked, ru bbed it s ey es, and soared
abov e t h e scene. The scene had t wo figur es facing each other, inches away in place
and t im e, bu t y ear s aw ay in exper ience, slow ly connect ed inw ar dly as t hey
pr oceeded in being am idst each ot her, j oined by a connect ing t r ut h an d by t h e soft
light w h ich t h rew it s buoy ant f licker over t he t w o m asses, dist or t in g and t w ist ing
t h em int o infin it e an d am or ph ous shapes w aver ing on t he m u t ed w all. ANALYSI S
This is an ex am ple of h ow an essay doesn’t n ecessar ily hav e t o t ell som et h ing abou t
t he aut hor f ort hr ight . Alt hou gh he succum bs occasionally t o t h e u se of clichés,
Tessler is t alent ed at w r it in g, an d he ex hibit s t his t alent un rest rain ed in a piece at
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
once m y st erious and engaging. I t doesn ’t t r y t o be an or din ary essay, nor does it t ry
t o sneak in a list of achievem en t s. Tessler const r uct s t h e essay as t hough it w er e a
paint ing, filling it w it h det ailed color and show in g – n ot t elling – ev er yt hin g h e
obser v es an d im agines, u nafraid t o delv e int o t he abst ract .
Subt le aspect s of Tessler ’s w r it ing st yle pr odu ce a sense of enigm at ic fan t asy w hich
em phasizes h is abilit y t o w r it e and y et m ay confuse t he r eader. / t h e fir st paragraph
set s t he st age for t he essay by cast ing a “ clouded dr eam ” of confusion ev en on t he
par t of t h e aut hor, unsur e of w h o is in w h at w or ld, vacillat ing bet w een t he consciou s
and su bconsciou s. An d in t he last paragraph, h e separat es h is m ind fr om him self
and r efer s t o t his m in d in t h e t h ird per son. Thr ou gh such t ech niques, he env elops
t h e r eader in his im aginat ion. The st or y is lik ely t o be dif fer ent fr om m ost college
essays an d w ould h elp inst ill a last ing im pr ession on his cr it ical r eader sh ip.
Unfor t unat ely, som e m ight find t his m y st ery t o be t oo ex t r em e. Cert ain
fun dam en t al ideas, such as w her e Tessler is and w it h w hom h e is int eract in g, ar e
unclear. An d t he poin t of t he essay seem s lost if one does not consider t h e ex hibit ion
of w r it ing st yle and im agin at ion t o be a m aj or aspect of t he piece. Th is m ay be t o
Tessler ’s d isadv ant age if t he adm issions st aff r eading t his essay is left m or e in a
st at e of bew ilder m ent at w hat t he essay w as about t han of adm ir at ion at Tessler ’s w rit ing apt it u de.
For t he m ost par t , h ow ev er, t he r eader is likely t o be left w it h a sen se of sat isfact ion
aft er r eading t his wor k, par t icular ly due t o it s un usual nat ur e. Tak in g t he r isk of
slight ly confu sin g t he r eader, in t h is case, is not inadv isable. I f t he r eader is
confused, t he w r it in g st y le w ill cert ainly m ake up f or t his. And if t he r eader is not
confused, t he essay succeeds in st r engt hen ing Tessler ’s applicat ion. 哈佛 哈
佛 5 0 篇e ssa y- - 5 。影 。 响 影 “ Dandelion Dr eam s” By Em m eline Chuan g
My big sist er once t old m e t h at if I shut m y eyes an d blew on a dandelioin puf f, all of
m y w ishes w ould com e t r ue. I used t o believe her and w ould w ake up ear ly in t he
m or nin g t o go dandelion hu nt in g. How m y par ent s m ust have laughed t o see m e
scram blin g out in t h e backy ard, pluck ing lit t le gray w eeds, and blow in g ou t t he
seeds un t il m y cheek s h ur t .
I m ade t he m ost out rageous w ishes. I w ished t o own a m onkey, a par r ot , and a
unicor n; I w ished t o gr ow u p an d be j ust like She- Ra, Pr incess of Pow er. And, of
cour se, I w ished for a t housand m or e w ishes so I w ould nev er r un out .
I alw ays believed m y w ishes w ould com e t r ue. When t h ey didn’t , I r an t o m y sist er
and dem anded an ex planat ion. She laughed and said I j ust hadn ’t done it r ight .
“ I t only w or ks if y ou do it a cert ain way,” she t old m e wit h a lit t le sm ile. I w at ched her
with side, adm iring eyes and t hought sh e m ust be r igh t . She w as t en y ear s older
t han m e and k new t he way s of t he w or ld; not hing she said could be w ron g. I w ent
Plagiarism is severely punished!
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Tim e passed, and I gr ew older. My “ per fect ” sist er left hom e – n ot t elling m y par ent s
w her e she had gone. Shock ed by her appar ent fall f rom grace, I spent m ost of m y
t im e st ar ing ou t t h e win dow. I w onder ed w her e she had gon e and why sh e hadn’t
t old us w her e sh e w as going. Occasionally, I w andered ou t side t o pluck a few
dan delions an d w ish for m y sist er ’s r et ur n. Each t im e, I h oped desperat ely t hat I had
done it t he r ight way and t hat t he w ish w ould com e t r ue. Bu t it n ever h appened.
Aft er a w hile, I gave u p – not on ly on m y sist er – but on t he dan delions as well.
Shock had chan ged t o anger and t hen t o r ej ect ion of m y sist er and ev ery t h ing she
had t old m e. The old dr eam er w it hin m e vanished and w as r eplaced by a h arsh
t een- age cynic w ho t old m e ov er and ov er t hat I should have k now n bet t er t h an t o
believe in fr ee w ish es. I t ch ided m e for m y past belief in un icor ns and laugh ed at t he
t hought of m y gr ow ing up t o be a fiv e foot elev en, sleek She- Ra. I t t old m e t o st op
bein g silly an d sent im ent al an d t o r ealize t he fact s of life, t o accept w hat I w as and
w hat m y sist er w as, and liv e w it h it .
For a wh ile I t r ied. I aban don ed m y old dr eam s, m y old ideas, and t h rew m y self
ent ir ely int o school an d t he w hole dr eary rat race of scrabbling f or grades and
popular it y. Aft er a t im e, I even began t o com e out ahead and could st art each day
w it h an indiffer ent shr ug inst ead of a defeat ed w him per. Yet none of it m ade m e
happy. For som e r eason , I k ept on t h inking about dandelions and m y sist er.
I t ried t o for get about bot h , but t he edge of m y an ger and disillusionm ent w or e aw ay
and t h e essence of m y old self st ar t ed t o seep t hr ough again. Despit e t he best
eff ort s of t he cynic in m e, I cont inually found m y self st ar ing out at t h ose dan delion s – and m aking w ishes.
I t wasn’t t he sam e as before, of cour se. Most of m y old dr eam s and ideals had
vanished for ever. Cert ainly, I could n ev er w ish f or a un icorn as a pet and act ually
m ean it now. No, m y dr eam s w ere different now, less based on f ant asy and m ore on realit y.
Dr eam s of becom ing a pr incess in a cast le or a m agical sorceress had ch anged in t o
hopes of som eday liv in g in t he w oods an d w r it ing n ovels lik e J. D. Salinger, or
play ing Tch aikov sk y ’s Concert o in A t o orchest ral accom pnim ent . Th ese w ere t he
dr eam s t hat f loat ed t h rou gh m y m ind now. They w er e t em pered by a caut ion t h at
hadn’t been t her e befor e, but t h ey w ere t here. For t he first t im e since m y sist er ’s
depar t ur e, I w as ack now ledging t h eir pr esen ce.
I had t o, for it w as t h ese dr eam s t h at dilut ed t he pur e m eanin glessness of m y daily
st r uggles in school and m ade m e happy. I t w as t hese dr eam s an d t he hope of
som eday f ulf illing t hem t hat ult im at ely saved m e fr om f allin g in t o t he clut ches of t he
dr eaded beast of apat hy t h at lu rked alongside t he t rails of t he rat race. Wit h out
t h em , I t h ink I w ou ld hav e giv en up and st um bled off t he t racks long ago.
I t t ook a long t im e for m e t o accept t his t r ut h and t o adm it t hat m y cynical self w as
w ron g in deny ing m e m y dr eam s, j u st as m y y out hf ul self h ad been wr on g in liv ing
ent ir ely w it hin t hem . I n order t o succeed and sur v ive, I n eeded t o fin d a balance bet w een t he t wo.
Plagiarism is severely punished!
Essays are for reference only. Do NOT copy or imitate anything!
My sist er w as r ight ; I hadn ’t been going aft er m y dr eam s t he r ight way. Now I kn ow
bet t er. This t im e ar oun d, w hen I go in t o t h e gar den and pick m y dandelion pu ff, m y w ish es w ill com e t r u e.
Plagiarism is severely punished!