Class code: 71ENG510053_30
Student’s name: Đào Ngọc Hải My Peer editor’s name: Date: 18/10/2023
WRITING ASSIGNMENT – LESSON 11 Unit: Topic:
Many children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school.
What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?  1st draft
Most important causes are the old methods of teaching. This could lead to less enjoyment in class.
The second is the interruption caused by technology. Nowadays, children have a
big passion for entertainment. This affects their mental health as a result children
become distracted and unfocused.
Way to solve the old teaching technique => the teacher wants to explain a new
formula, they should integrate a formula into a mini game. the teacher needs to
teach a theory of history they could consider taking the students to a museum.
Second is to create attractive and creative lessons. 
Self-assessment (checklist) Content Y/N Comments/Suggestions Task Response
Doestheessaycontainatleast180words? Y 
Isthetopicaddressedintheintroduction? Y 
Doesthethesisstatementclearlydiscusswhatthe Y  essayisabout?
Does the conclusion summarize the main points and Y
give the author’s final opinion?
Is each of the paragraphs related to the topic? Y 
Coherence & Cohesion
Does the essay have an introduction, two body Y  paragraphs, and a conclusion?
Isthereacleartopicsentenceineachparagraph? Y 
Does the author include any relevant examples
and/or other supporting details (explanation, Y  reasons, etc.)?
Are there at least 4 transitional expressions used Y 
correctly (e.g. Moreover, Besides, However, etc.)? Lexical Resource
Hasthequestionbeenparaphrasedproperly? Y 
Students,teachers,lesson,and,
Does the author avoid repeating vocabulary? Y could,should
Havespellingandword-choiceerrorsbeen   checked?
Doestheessaycontainvocabularyspecifictothe N  topic?
Grammar Range and Accuracy
Does the author use a range of simple, compound, Y  and complex sentences?
Havetheverbtensesandsubject-verbagreement Y  beenchecked?
Haspunctuationbeenusedcorrectly? Y  Time management
Was the task completed within 40 minutes? N 
Peer assessment (checklist) Content Y/N Comments/Suggestions Task Response
Doestheessaycontainatleast180words?  
Isthetopicaddressedintheintroduction?  
Doesthethesisstatementclearlydiscusswhatthe   essayisabout?
Does the conclusion summarize the main points and
give the author’s final opinion?
Is each of the paragraphs related to the topic?  
Coherence & Cohesion
Does the essay have an introduction, two body   paragraphs, and a conclusion?
Isthereacleartopicsentenceineachparagraph?  
Does the author include any relevant examples
and/or other supporting details (explanation,   reasons, etc.)?
Are there at least 4 transitional expressions used  
correctly (e.g. Moreover, Besides, However, etc.)? Lexical Resource
Hasthequestionbeenparaphrasedproperly?  
Does the author avoid repeating vocabulary?  
Havespellingandword-choiceerrorsbeen   checked?
Doestheessaycontainvocabularyspecifictothe   topic?
Grammar Range and Accuracy
Does the author use a range of simple, compound,   and complex sentences?
Havetheverbtensesandsubject-verbagreement   beenchecked?
Haspunctuationbeenusedcorrectly?   Time management
Was the task completed within 40 minutes?  Final version
In recent years, numerous students have found it hard to focus on lessons in
classes. The problems and solutions to this issue will be further discussed in this essay.
There are several reasons for the concentration of students at school. One of the
most important causes is the old methods of teaching. This is mainly because the
teacher always uses the old technique of teaching, they explain lectures by
applying a theoretical study. This could lead to less enjoyment in class. The
second reason is the interruption caused by technology. Nowadays, children have
a big passion for entertainment such as smartphones, video games, and social
media platforms. Kids can spend most of their time at home just playing games
of surfing the internet. This extremely affects their mental health as a result
children become distracted and unfocused.
To resolve these crucial issues, necessary measures should be taken. One way to
solve the old teaching technique is to buckle less down to theoretical studies. For
example, if the teacher wants to explain a new formula, they should integrate a
formula into a mini-game. the teacher needs to teach a theory of history they
could consider taking the students to a museum. This will help them learn faster
and get interesting. In addition, an extra method of making children not
concentrate is to create attractive and creative lessons. For instance, bringing
technology such as smart boards, and smartTV into classes could improve the
interaction between teachers and students. Besides, the PowerPoint presentation
in lectures should include more animated images, videos, and visual effects. This
could help kids stare and be excited about their lectures.
However, these situations can be solved when according measures are taken properly.  Rubric for grading 
Link Sharepoint/ Onedrive/ Google drive your collaboration space (optional)